Trilby's Daze

January 1, 2012

2012-01-01T04:17:00.000-08:00

Slap Shtick With A Twist

Hey life what’s the deal,
what’s the grand plan
scheme of things to come and go
screaming from the top of my lungs
already full from the up swing of 2011
flying high on the 52nd floor
sky scraper clawing its way
from Hades to Paradise
and it’s never the same kid rush
sliding down the family banister
the thrill is half way between here and there
and nowhere
but it doesn’t matter too much as the saying flows
when everything rocks and nothing rolls
it’s not the destination it’s the journey
I’d have to beg to differ
when the options are between
a soft spot and a hard place
a toss of the dice or a flip of a coin
heads you win tails I lose
Heaven Hell or Infinity
with a slap of the shtick and a twist of fate
I’m hiding from the infernal flames
with one more puff of the witches bliss
and I’ll be on my merry way
welcoming in a new year...2012

Christmas Eve 2011

2011-12-24T16:03:00.000-08:00

I could pour my heart out
on this Christmas Eve
to the silence that surrounds
such a peaceful night
the way Dreaming Tree flows
from glass to mouth
and lips part
words weep
while memories dance around and around
like the twinkling of lights
that circle ornaments from the past
tales are told and stories will unfold
your photograph sits by my bedside
the tender moments never fade
and emptiness can rest at ease
as the minutes reliably tick by
days turning to years end
...beginnings will surely find tomorrow

JY love forever and always TY

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Shades Of Grey ~ November 27, 2011

2011-11-27T03:49:00.000-08:00

Shades Of Grey

There is a sound that comes my way
Blowing by from day to day
When love begins to dance and sway
Let me shine and let me play
I’m swirling in shades of grey
Open heart and sail away
We both know you can’t stay
Bended knee and hands to pray
Stolen words with more to say
Let me shine and let me play
I’m dancing in shades of grey...

Beach Walk ~ November 26, 2011

Birds Of A Feather ~ Southport, CT 11.26.11

November Chill ~ 2011

2011-11-05T07:59:00.000-07:00

Mind Bending

“Darlin you have the voice of an angel…”
eyes twinkle with starlight and words so smooth,
so very smooth
they cause pause and reflection
that only the holy
and anointed
dare stare without hesitation
and in a divine moment,
a split second,
a NY minute counted backwards is short changed,
slipped his hand into mine
stole a single thread of golden light
that circled around my naiveté
angel wings plucked
from high above
leaving minuscule reflections
of tiny glistening pieces –

...no regret.

photo by Ari Mygatt 2011

Cali Redhead And Witch Fest...

2011-11-05T05:33:00.000-07:00

We flew to California to celebrate life with our sister witch. Emotions were mixed as we partied like there was no tomorrow, knowing there may not be. Hugs and kisses, tears were kept at bay - we pray the next medical plan keeps our littlest witch with us for a very long long time!

No time for tears Glinda, we will smile and laugh - share a bottle of wine, a bit of this and that. Music, walks on the beach, good food, good friends - old and new...bluebird skies mentality in Laguna Beach, CA.

Gerard T Yates Photographs ~

2011-10-16T03:08:00.000-07:00

Wedding Day ~ October 1, 2011

2011-10-04T17:53:00.000-07:00

Wedding Musician ~ Paris

The Wedding Party ~ Stamford CT ~ 10.1.11

Wedding Vows (Tamara, Ari, Rebecca & Andrew)

Rebecca and Andrew ~ Wedding Vows

"I DO..."

First Kiss

Married ~ Rebecca and Andrew Matheson

Siblings ~ Ari, Rebecca and Paris

Mother and Daughters ~ Trilby, Rebecca and Ari

New Family

Bride and Groom Baby Photograph Tree

First Dance

Back of Wedding Dress!

Jenny Rebecca ~ Daughter 9.30.11

2011-09-30T04:33:00.000-07:00

I will spend today and overnight with my daughter...I will look at her and see my 1st baby - recall all the sweet memories of the first time I saw her - she took my breath away. Tomorrow I will look at her and see a bride and again she will take my breath away. Already tears of joy and happiness!

Trilby and Baby Rebecca ~ 1977

Rebecca ~ Easter 1980?

Rebecca ~ Music Room

Rebecca ~ 1st prize photo contest (photo by Trilby Yates)

Rebecca ~ Europe 2011

Fall 2011

2011-09-25T07:02:00.000-07:00

Steadfast and True

5 AM light flashes

cell phone buzz

just a reminder

there is a new day

a’ dawning

steadfast and true

and I can admit

there have been times

when the thought

was like the sound

of fingernails

to a chalkboard

dread shoots

between a fine line

up or down

depending on which way

the adrenaline flows

and just when I’m comfortable

in my own skin again

the calendar turns

the page and

staring me square

is another anniversary

of this or that

whatever keeps the heart

cemented in the past

and though I struggle

to set myself free

there is a warped

sense of comfort

in the familiar

the known

the well worn shirt

you left behind

wrapped around me

arms of yesterday

or knowing each riff

beat and break

like a deep breath

to a favorite love song

12 bars of sheer delight

steadfast and true

here in the calm

a slight haze

of sunlight

not completely

shinning through

hot cup of java

with a touch of honey

like a bee sting to my heart

I wonder if Jesus

would have jumped the track

to take back his last trip

to the garden

shifting fate to sheer coincidence

and while skipping stones

at your grave

bides the time

it’s not quite the same

spinning yarns

like spinning a tale

a web of better times

and poetic promise

stead fast and true…

Pre and Post Photos of Hurricane Irene 2011

2011-09-10T03:18:00.000-07:00

Generation Three

Calm Before The Storm

Ignorance Is Bliss

Reflection

Shades Of Grey

Erosion

Support

Evacuated

Post Relief

Bodega Delights

All photos taken by Trilby Yates - Hurricane Irene 2011

Summertime Shift August 2011

2011-08-20T07:41:00.000-07:00

Hot Tin Roof

Oh such sweetness
drips from your lips
pearly white
Cheshire smile wide,
grand as the sea
stretched out arms
far far and beyond
my wildest dreams
crazy times
entwine tangled web
of white lies and
black laughter
youth with the heart
of an old soul
dance around
like a cat
on a hot tin roof
tap, tap
to and fro
fingers snap
slow seductive rhythm
keeping time
out of rhyme
with a fading pulse
tap, tap
your feet are on fire
dancing around
like a cat on a wire

…hot tin roof

Affair

Dock swayed
like a deep breath
slow exhale
and the rain fell
washing away
all sensibility
there were no signs
for a brighter day
on the horizon
of perfection
shared moments
the intoxicating
sound of cool blues
floating by
your hand gently
slipped into mine

A glance speaks a thousand words ~

Trilby AM Coffee

Photographs and Fantasies ~ August 2011

2011-08-19T18:16:00.000-07:00

Ari ~ Summer Daze ~ August 2011

Umbrella and Clouds - August 2011

Swinging In The Rain - Penfield Beach August 2011

Yellow Slicker - August 2011

Calm Before The Storm - August 2011

All photographs by Trilby Yates

Dog Days Of August 2011

2011-08-06T04:35:00.000-07:00

Photo by Ari Mygatt (youngest daughter)

Gracious words are like honeycombs to the soul…

There Is No Sound

There is no sound
like this
echo’s from place
to place
and back again
there are no moments
like this
hold tight
blow a kiss
to nowhere
carried off
far away
boat ride Galilee
to Old Harbor
with the wind
to my back
and the sun
rising in the east
there’s nothing
keeping my soul
from floating away
when night turns
to day
and black
to gray…

There is no sound like this
that echo’s from place to place
and back again

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Ode To... July 2011

2011-07-24T08:53:00.000-07:00

Howard Buzzutto (father) & Dorothy Buzzutto (daughter) 1950

Dorothy Buzzutto (1960)

Ode To Dorothy

Ode to the woman
that carried my name
that carried the ties that bind
if truth be told
the gentler times
are all that matter today
a day that time dissipates
into tears of joy
and memories reflect
tints of glorious color
while the sharpness
blurs into muted shades of gray
Ode to the woman
that held my heart with gentle hands
but never long enough
Ode to the wounded dove
that flies above
with curls and pearls
a fragile child’s dream

Ode to letting go,
to the natural flow
wisdom passed
from generation
to generation
babies growing stronger
and brighter

Ode to the woman, my mother
…to Dorothy

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Heat Wave July 2011

2011-07-22T03:39:00.000-07:00

Jetty Walk ~ Summer 2011 (SC & AM)

Heat Wave

Steamy sweltering
take a deep breath
air is thick and warm...

Summer sun
cloaked in a haze
shades of pale blue
feathered sky wispy clouds
wrap around finger tips
gentle hands dripping
in the scent of coconut oil

Floating carefree muffled sounds
a mellow song serenade
carried within a slight breeze
while dancing in the streets
keeps the beat
R&B lives on…

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Early Sunday AM...July 2011

2011-07-17T03:54:00.000-07:00

Old Couple ~ Train Station 2011

Comfort Zone

Warm summer breeze
blows by
like a one hit wonder
that plays over and over
with the familiarity
of a gentle smile
greetings at the door
welcome home sweet one
some say boredom
sets in with time
and the eyes wander
but I remain in awe
of the next day
same old sunrise
same old sunset
red sky at night
sailors delight
red sky in the morning
sailors take warning

Gentle touch, sweet kiss, comfort in the familiar…

© 2011 Trilby Yates

July Frame Of Mind ~ 2011

2011-07-08T05:40:00.000-07:00

Man In A Full Moon ~ 2011

Ramblings...

A conversation with self...yes, I get tired. Yes, I slip in and out of total disbelief...still, almost 4 years later. Yes, I question what it all means. Yes, I wonder what my future holds. And yes, I fear the thought of moving forward and the thought of not...

I dream of a music man who can share a song that will touch my heart and soul, bring me to tears of joy, won't interfere with yesterday and leave me with a smile of the promise for a wonderful tomorrow.

When does the tide turn, the up side of the down? Will a light go on like the flip of a switch…sudden awakening? Does the joy of life wash over me once again like a tidal wave? Or is this it…is this the simple black and white of it all. I’ve had love, lost love…let love go – and the hand of fate stepped in opening one door and slamming another closed. And now I wonder…and I question…and I’ve lost faith, short of the “man in the moon” who has no place to hide just hanging around up in the cosmos always with a wise ass grin – knowing more and telling less.

Slick kitchy diner
silver shell
hangs on the corner of
Avenue this and
Avenue that
but no one cares
who you’re waiting for
when Godot
never shows his hand
maybe a snap
of the finger
and a twist of fate
will change the scene
lending to sad songs
on a juke box
swallowing coin
like an old time toll booth
on the turnpike of life
pre-E-ZPass and
this isn’t east coast
verses west or
upstate seeming too close
to Deliverance
for any native New Yorker
with a touch of paranoia
we can slip away
without making a sound
kind of like 2 ships
in the night and
what will it take to
bring a good person
to their knees
when life keeps running on low
and the options aren’t worth
the effort
so we’ll keep skipping stones
across the Sound
and wait to see what
bounces back from the other side…

© 2011 Trilby Yates

A Warm July 2011

2011-07-08T04:35:00.000-07:00

JY and TY ~ In The Mirror

In The Mirror

Images drone on
meshed together
with the sounds
that play
off key in a mind
that can’t seem
to wander beyond
the walls of one room
one room that held a heart
and has kept a soul from progressing
on to the next phase
the next stage of the grief process
what ever it is
what it may mean
bounding back and forth
dancing in-between with hopes
that yesterday will somehow
come back around renewed
but the hands of time don’t rhyme
with this particular song
and it may not be how many notes you play
only the silence in-between
yet there has been a long pause
of empty quiet that reflects back
to the absence of you
leaving
only me.

© 2011 Trilby Yates

4th of July 2011

2011-07-04T03:40:00.000-07:00

Fisherman's Walk

All the battles
that rage around us
hands of the clock
never stop and we
step forward
with the hope and promise
that what we believe
to be true
is coming from a higher power
and not just the back pocket
of some man with a plan
and a fetish for fame and fortune –
or what ever else is twisted
around our fate.
We walk the walk
and talk the talk
bury our children
from generation
to generation
draped in a flag
of one nation under God –
while we praise and hail Mary
giving us the power of choice.
For whom the bell tolls
is a question we won’t ask
because it cannot be un-rung
each name is etched in stone.
And Einstein said,
“…insanity is doing the same thing
over and over expecting different results…”

Do you feel free yet?

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Now and Then ~ July 1, 2011

2011-07-01T02:36:00.000-07:00

Trilby Yates

Jerry Yates

Trilby and Jerry Yates

A lifetime ~ our lifetime. An anniversary, dreams and memories ~
I'll always be with you...always...

Thoughts of you ~ June 28, 2011

2011-06-28T18:27:00.000-07:00

Jerry and Trilby

TY to JY

Moon light
falls gently
on a calm sea
while images
reflect back and forth
from heaven to earth
from you to me...

Pearly Gates...June 24, 2011

2011-06-24T17:11:00.000-07:00

Gateway to Heaven

Pearly Gates

Winds shift
like a mood
that runs
from hot to cold
with continuous tapping
from high to low
and there comes a time
when the emotions collide
and who knew
there wouldn’t be much comfort
in the universal truth
if it only touches
on the lack of compassion
from one that knows,
from one that crawls
under the wire
holding it all together
with a proverbial paper clip
and bubble gum
can’t expect much
from a God
that lives
behind the Pearly Gates
a community
for the high and mighty
and wouldn’t it be ironic
if we could back
door the process…

Guess I'm Doing Fine - 6.2011

2011-06-19T12:47:00.000-07:00

Trilby Yates

Guess I'm Doing Fine ~ Beck

There's a blue bird at my window
I can't hear the songs he sings
All the jewels in heaven
They don't look the same to me

I just wade the tides that turned
Till I learn to leave the past behind

It's only lies that I'm living
It's only tears that I'm crying
It's only you that I'm losing
Guess I'm doing fine

All the battlements are empty
And the moon is laying low
Yellow roses in the graveyard
Got no time to watch them grow

Now I bade a friend farewell
I can do whatever pleases me

It's only lies that I'm living
It's only tears that I'm crying
It's only you that I'm losing
Guess I'm doing fine

Press my face up to the window
To see how warm it is inside
See the things that I've been missing
Missing all this time

It's only lies that I'm living
It's only tears that I'm crying
It's only you that I'm losing
Guess I'm doing fine

Summer sun, sand, sails and seashells...June 2011

2011-06-12T18:23:00.000-07:00

Trilby ~ Beach Bum, by Ari Mygatt

Vignettes

1.
Sound rolls
over waves of silver
glistening
shades of blue
rhythmic pattern
takes pause
the right moment
clarity
rings true

Hand held out
like a beggar
wanting just enough
dignity
to keep close
to the heart
and not fall far
from grace
while off in the distance
where ships sail
the high seas
and movers and shakers
spin the wheel
of other peoples fortunes
a Captain secrets
stolen keepsakes
as the jailer paces
reluctantly
hands stuffed
into his pockets
jingling keys…
what ever lies
beyond the tide
and thunders
from coast to coast
possibility
can’t be shaken
through adventures
from the past
tomorrow promises
something new
while something old
can hold its own
gently fading
off to blue

3.
Mourning doves
sing a song
shallow sweet
melody hum
and the hand
that touches
a heart beat
shares a moment
tears are shed
change of season
turning of the tide
one forward
two back
closed door
open window
wonderment
questions and answers
conceal and reveal
who are you
who am I

4.
...so you say you’ve got the hook the one that will steal my heart away
the way I float off and never look back was only once upon a time
in someone else's fairy tale betwixt and between
none of it falls into place neatly like a house of cards
when the wind blows and the windows rattle kind of reminds me
of that old love song about a snake and a charmer walking down
a one way street high road low road nothing in between
just a sad verse that doesn’t reflect the face in the mirror
one eye brown and one eye blue but the past has a funny way
of settling the score when one least expects as if there is no tomorrow
and maybe that’s the way the tides flow forever and always
sailing against the wind

5.
Sand and stone
Shells and sea
Looking to the horizon
Beyond the tide and past me
To a place of solitude
Peaceful reverie...

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Rainy daze and sunshine ~ May 22, 2011

2011-05-22T05:15:00.000-07:00

Penfield Beach Sunset 2011 (photo by Ari)

The End of The World

If I never see
the light of day
as the world
comes to an end
experience sweet sounds
or serenade
from steel guitars
bottle neck slide
a cool breeze
harmonica blow
that links the past
to the present
take my hand
walk with me
to a history
warmed
by the fires
of the soul…
and if I never
feel that pulse
driven rhythm
in sync
drum beat
or give pause
to the sheer delight
of your smile
while the earth tilts
on its axis
bidding us a fond
farewell
adieu, adieu
precious one
parting can be
such sweet sorrow
and if love
is what seals
the deal
my words
are worth
their weight in gold…
with all that was
and lingers
in the wind
I won’t regret
a moment
as long as I’ve known
what carries its own
when push
comes to shove
no matter what
comes or goes
shout
from the roof tops...

"I love you"

© 2011 Trilby Yates

13th of May 2011 ~ Friday

2011-05-13T17:06:00.000-07:00

Sailing "Layla"

From Here To Nowhere

Night falls
words echo
bounce from here
to nowhere…
and
I wonder
who will
save me now
when all that I have
are memories
and
the slightest
glimmer
off in the distance
of hope
with all the promise
that yesterday
once held
for tomorrow.
Will there
come a time
when all else fails
the wisdom of age
will take hold
and
comfort a soul
that only wanted
to share
the secrets
of true love?
My heart
skips a beat
off center
with the ache
of smooth blues
a 13 bar riff
that only fits
when the timing
is off…

© 2011 Trilby Yates

2011-05-08T10:08:00.000-07:00

Fifth Avenue, NYC ~ 2011

Washington Square, NYC ~ 2011

Idioms Fly By

Idioms fly by night shooter leaving tear drops flowing
pretty boys are a dime a dozen burnt out in a NY minute
We can make it up town without breaking a sweat
a few shakes of a lambs tail if we hurry
They can beat a dead horse and still come to the same old same old
and we won’t bat an eye or walk on egg shells
while we drift in this land of Oz
We’ve got places to go Alice and people to meet
so hold on tight little darling cause time it is a wasting
when we have one foot in the grave and the other on something or other
And I don’t care what’s blowing in the wind
when there’s nothing beneath my feet
just a slippery slope and the wings of a dove fly high above
without a care in the world
when you know what you know and not what you don’t
So lets take the path of least resistance
because you will always get where you want to go
and what you deserve or earned along the way
depends on how you look at it
Or what was written in the stars
the next chapter in the book of fate
So take it on the chin or leave it at the door
letting the chips land where they may
And if you are good
someone’s daddy's going to buy you a diamond ring
Pay back is always a bitch when you don’t own the high road
and back seat drivers take the wheel
So don’t make promises you can’t keep
because a house divided against itself cannot stand
And while a picture paints a thousand words
all I see is a blessing in disguise when I look at you
So hold on to your hat because you haven't seen anything yet
the best is yet to come when you’re standing
between a rock and a hard place….

To be continued...

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Good Friday ~ April 2011

2011-04-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

Rose boutineer ~ April 2011

Where Have You Gone My Friend

Where have you gone my friend?
I am missing the moments
of comfort and fantasy.
When I could be
what ever I wanted
and you would grant
my every wish.
In visions
of the extraordinary
and beyond.
Simplicity sparks
the imagination,
as grandeur
tantalizes the mind.
Floating off on a cloud
watching the world go by.
Or sailing along
with a full breeze.
Letting nothing get in the way
while passions play
a game of
hide and seek.
And we could dance,
the minuet
in full royal garb,
cloak and dagger delight.
Mystery man
behind the mask
will steal a kiss
from lips to finger tips.
Traveling through time.
And if the moment
becomes too dark,
deep thoughts will
shift to light.
And I will find myself
sipping a glass of wine,
in an intimate French cafe.
With the man
that makes
the music play...
I could save the world,
or let it go!
Climb mountains high,
sail the seven seas,
and pirate your heart
laughing at the site!
Joy and love
would all rise
as the stage is set.
And if my path
takes a turn,
ghosts began to hover
or a visit from the other side.
I would smile
at the thought of you,
knowing we always have tonight.

Where have you gone my friend,
Sweetest Reverie?

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Spring Time Reflection ~ 2011

2011-04-20T04:11:00.000-07:00

Sunset ~ California ~ Ari and Friends 2011

Never Felt A Sunrise

Notes float
synchronize
cool blues
steal guitar slide
old love song
the line rolls
something like this
or that
doesn’t matter much
if you get my point
and I know you do…

“…I never saw a sunset until I met you babe…”

and so the story goes
from one
seductive phrase
to another
leaving much
to a tired imagination
and I’ll wonder for a lifetime
what’s hidden behind
that perfect smile
when the music between us flows
another line rolls

“…never felt a sunrise until I met you babe…”

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Thoughts By The Bay ~ Spring 2011

2011-04-17T06:24:00.000-07:00

Red Tulips, Coast of CT April 2011

Steadfast and Hold Tight

Looking out
beyond the bay
wind blows
brushing gently
across my face
carrying images
of not so long ago
when love and light
filled
my days
danced
through my nights
flowers in bloom
spring fever
a promise
for tomorrow
precious moments
of delight
while off
in the distance
sails are filled
with memories
another time
I recall your whispered words,

“I will love you forever, steadfast and hold tight…steadfast, hold tight…”

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Spring Daze ~ 2011

2011-04-09T05:28:00.000-07:00

Carousel ~ Bryant Park, NYC ~ 2011

Carosello Of Love

Photographs
and
film clips
tender memories
like the ghost
from a child’s
nursery rhyme,
carosello of love
spins round
rose petals
mixed with
babies breath
a touch
of lavender
sentimental scents
fill the air
with translucent images
soundtrack background
a rhythmic loop
that stirs the soul
continues to sing
sweet songs
on a high
love holds true
and ready
while the sun
remains faithful
to its intent
rising
same place
different time
day after day…

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Shift ~ April 2011

2011-04-03T03:59:00.000-07:00

Chasing Rainbows and Butterflies

A life time spent
chasing rainbows
and butterflies
a day late
and something short
cherry blossoms
are in bloom
and they say
the air is fresher
south of
the Jersey shoreline
where life never
hits below
the belt
and love floats
in a pool
of wide eyed
innocence
no matter how
time passes you by…
but my heart
hangs in the balance
with a New York
city beat
even though
there is no place
I call home
without the ties
that bind
blood isn’t always
thicker than water
and the roots
of my youth
never took hold
with the presence
of an old soul
by invitation only
yet I never had the
slightest inkling
to reply
a pattern
following me
like a loyal playmate,
lover or friend
a formality
I couldn’t own
as time holds the key
To more fly-by adventures
and uncertainty
love flutters about
a clear vision
kept at arms length…someday, yes someday you will be mine ~

© 2011 Trilby Yates

April Showers Bring May Flowers 2011

2011-04-02T05:33:00.000-07:00

Purple Crocus ~ Spring 2011 ~ Fairfield CT

Sweet Serenade

Winter winds blow past
Sweet serenade
Leaving sentimental traces
Of lavender, lace
Ribbons tie together…
All that was precious
Held gingerly
In the sanction
Of our potential ~

Spring sashays in
Sweet Serenade
With the freshness
Of beginnings,
While endings
Traipse off
Leaving a lasting scent…
Familiar aroma
Of what once was ~

There is a newness and promise for tomorrow as yesterday bids a reluctant farewell…your song lingers on…

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Paper Airplane

2011-03-28T17:27:00.001-07:00

...here all alone, still wondering why...

Untangle My Mind

2011-03-27T15:14:00.000-07:00

Try Try Again

There’s not
much time
to get it right
try
try again
and what is pleasing
to the eye
can take the heart
on a long
long ride
with not much to show
but lesson lived
and bridges burned
while the wind
continues to blow
a sweet
sweet song
and voices carry
whispered words
that went silent
a long
long time ago…

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Full Moon Rising 2011

2011-03-19T18:41:00.000-07:00

Penfield Beach Fairfield CT ~ Full moon 3.19.2011

Man In A Perigee Moon

Paper tigers and butterflies
whimsical flutter touches my cheek
while a playful breeze
dances past images of
marionette smiles and painted eyes
seeing beyond the unexpected
purpose and intent
traces of a shadowy disguise
continually torn between
evening dreams and bitter sweet reverie
as silent day light reaches out
with a gentle nudge
of a new day and once again
early morning sunrise with the promise
of a perigee moon, clear sky
and a high tide
anticipation is my delight…

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Rainy days and time change

2011-03-13T07:24:00.000-07:00

Sailboat w/ lights Rowayton CT

Second Chance Second Wind

New moon, dark sky
and starlight
Search in silent reverie
for a moment
Grand plan in the scheme of things
A tidal wave of emotion
Filmstrip days move by
frame to frame
Floating images a seductive dance
Creative process takes its toll
There is no apparent wisdom
Precious territory wrapped neatly
In words that clutter
the mind
Yet life has been generous
Unpredictable
and trying at times

Second chance, second wind…

© 2011 Trilby

Sunday ~ 6 March 2011

2011-03-06T14:44:00.000-08:00

Self Portrait ~ October 2010

Womanofthepage

Oh to be
Virginia Woolf
for a moment
in time
when words flowed
creative process
encumbered by despair
precious pearls of wisdom
masked with conversation
sharing verse and wine with
the Bloomsbury Group
that freed a burdened soul
brilliant sorrow deep
a pocket full of rocks
and a long deliberate walk
off a short seductive pier
sinking deep
into the abyss
solidifying a place
in literary history
of the elite,
the avant garde
songs sung
memorializing
the mystery
intrigue
tragic romance
darkness engulfs
all rational
the frigid River Ouse
like a Knight In Shining Armor
arms wrapped around her
as liberator
salvation
read her words and weep

I am WomanOfThePage ~

© 2011 Trilby Yates

1 March 2011

2011-03-03T15:48:00.000-08:00

They say home is where the heart is...so I guess I'm in heaven with you.

Grand Central Station NYC 2011

Fence, Fairfield CT ~ Walking to the beach 2011

Sailboats on the Long Island Sound, Winter 2011

Horses on Penfield Beach, Fairfield Connecticut, Winter 2011

Sailboats, Penfield Beach, Fairfield Connecticut, Winter 2011

Leaving Winter Behind...

2011-02-26T04:53:00.000-08:00

The Highline NYC 2011

Old Neighborhood

Looking back,
Taking the first step forward,
Inhaling the old neighborhood
Deep breath...sigh...
Visual memories are like photographs
Some make me laugh,
Some move me to tears
While others tug at the heart strings
Slight smile turn the corners of my mouth…
Thought about you and
The way you would lie,
For a free smoke or a dime
Paper tigers and fireflies…
Led us down a potpourri of alleyways,
To the innocence of youths
Beautiful indiscretions
Turquoise eyes glowing in neon nights,
Making love in the back seat
Of abandon cars,
West Side Highway,
Or floating down Riverside…
I noticed you out of the corner of my left eye,
Still riding life on the flip side…
Reading postcards from another time

Looking back ~

Patty G lived in Apt. 2 B…
Anthony on the 9th floor,
Fire escape was a long way down…
Endless after midnight~
We shared the loss of our virginity,
And who’s who doing the 10th Ave shuffle…
Never quite making the grade,
But always a good time along the way~
Mrs. Vignetto chattered in Italian
As Mrs. Eisenberg would politely nod
Common bond Mothers united
As their son’s marched off to war
Your side, my side not much in between
Life in the 60's
Bitter sweet and indifferent -

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Mid February...2011

2011-02-17T04:29:00.000-08:00

Heaven, Hell or Limbo

I don’t know what God
stands before me
and can’t recite the prayers
that slip
through fingers
bead to bead
saints to sinners
Act of Contrition
is a fear factor
while at the end of the day
my indiscretions
are my own
chipping away
at the norms,
man made rules
and regulations
yet my heart holds
what’s true
what is pure
and decent
about humanity
and what surrounds me
day to day

Heaven, Hell or Limbo

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Valentine’s Day 2011

2011-02-14T15:44:00.000-08:00

Valentine I know

Vignettes strung together
precious pearls of delight
gently rest close to the heart
filling in the quiet spaces with wisdom
and while the smoke rises
from distant passions and fire
my dreams will never fade…
memories unfold gingerly
pages of cherished love letters
tender stories are told
a silent witness to one more sunset
recall the sweet songs we sang
and whispered promises that lovers make
when forever has no expectations
and tomorrow is a shared last breath...

You are the only Valentine I’ve ever known

© 2011 Trilby Yates

February Blues

2011-02-05T04:12:00.000-08:00

Early AM Thoughts:

Holiday music and evergreen in the distance sounds of bells and chimes and with all that we shared I find memories of you hanging like delicate ornaments in the oddest places as if they belonged there with intent and the purpose for me to tap into when ever I need to feel you surround me shades of Tiffany blue and silver make my heart ache and I recall the promises of new hats and endless love and that you would never leave me as I walk alone down the boulevard passing by those gifts I would have bought for you and catch myself being pulled in that direction as tears well up at the check out counter and there aren’t enough words to explain away or time to catch another falling tear that are all for you along with my commitment to love you until the end of my time…

Dreams chase me from what seemed real to what has turned away with a smirk on the mouth of the norm and common mistake for loss or grief makes people uncomfortable and as unaware as I am to those around me and their shift from right to left and the way they stand outside the bubble of my sorrow I don’t welcome the newcomer to a club of widows and widowers with black veils that set the mood and comfort doesn’t come in shades of gray it tucks itself neatly in each crease on a tired face and teardrop that slowly trickles down the cheekbones and drops to the floor with a splash that echos and bounces off the silence of your exit…

Silence Of Sound

Uttered sounds
Formed,
Some
Worth listening to,
Some
A waste of energy,
Breath…
Sometimes
They miss the target,
Sometimes
Right on track,
Bulls eye…
There is no place to hide
From the fall out,
Intended infliction,
Pain,
Humiliation,
Purely
For laughs,
Little darling…
A cluster of letters,
Verbs,
Nouns,
Everything in between
And than some…
Strung together,
Thoughts,
Melancholy monotones
Words,
Power spouted from lips,
Full pout
Or thinly veiled
With age,
Wisdom,
Authoritative,
Gospel truth,
Little Sweet Heart,
High pitched,
Shrill,
Vibrating,
Inner ear…
Carry the tune,
Hold the note,
Cherish the song,

Silence,
It isn’t always what you hear,
Sometimes it’s what you don’t…

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Birthday Wishes...1.28.2011

2011-01-29T05:10:00.000-08:00

I don’t know what the future holds
can’t clearly recall the past,
without adding and subtracting this or that

But, I do know where I am standing today
and from this angle when the light is right
you remind me of a painting I once inhaled at the Met…

Visions of happily ever after dance in fields of wild flowers,
the peaceful scent of lavender floating in the air
and I believed you were the one forever and ever
hand in hand reminiscing on the front porch as the day grows old
a piece of anticipated heaven here on earth

Another life story that did unfold an ending never written

So while the day fades into night and
the music begins to roll
like the flip side of gentle rocking
peaceful reverie leading the way...
there is a clear path paved with birthday wishes
and memories of another time,

Quietly taking a step into new beginnings,
always keeping you in this heart of mine ~

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Fade Away

2011-01-22T17:56:00.000-08:00

Waited past midnight for stones tossed on the window pane,
Til the Sand Man made his way and sent me on an alternative journey ~
Mr. Goodbar took my hand leading me to dreams of another kind…
Singing lullabies with fingers crossed and a wink of the eye,

You - reluctantly fade away ~

Early morning light, rays shining through the window’s pane…
They spoke in hushed tones of old and new as if you had been mislaid,
Only I know of your true demise and your favorite hiding place~
Their veracity and rhetoric suffocated you to the core,
With secret ties and swaying lies, clutching hands like deceptive lovers…
Some bonds are never broken, easily…hearts and spirits untamed
We would kiss in filtered shadows, thrilled and wanting more
As the grains of sand unknowingly slipped beneath our feet
Yours and mine, entwined promises - slit of the wrist our blood mingles
Lovers in the night ~
And time is of no value in a world indulged with illusive rants and raves
While outside, looking beyond the golden gates and high walls…I wonder,
Do you remember me…more thought than question posed…
Touching deep, a bullet lodged in the left side of your brain
You were an easy target with an X conveniently marking the spot
“…taking a breath now is like a dagger’s jagged edge…”
“Never cutting clean through…” your whispered words subside
I miss your smile – corners taped with glimmering hope
The naiveté in your eyes is now hazed over and grey
A permanent reality has been fit to an inconsequential mold –
And you no longer really exist…

…and…

I - reluctantly fade away~

© 2011 Trilby Yates

Love is a mirror....

2011-01-12T09:18:00.000-08:00

Sticks to skins
the beat plays on
off in a lofty place
the vibration of cymbals
chime with emotion
as the angels recall
a song
once sung
and it doesn’t’ matter
who the player is
as long as they play
with veracity
now and then
come together
like film clips
that drop to the floor
telling a tale
with notes and words
that move between
the spaces in silence
yet can hold their own
with integrity
a sense of magic
with all its intrigue
creates a moment
when time takes pause
to listen and to reflect

Love is a mirror….

© 2011 Trilby Yates

A New Year ~ 2011

2011-01-03T15:37:00.000-08:00

A new year...beginnings and endings...starting and stopping...letting go and holding on.

Circles of smoke rise from funeral pyre
as the day closes blanketing
the end of another year
and as the heart traces outlined memory
a map from head to soul
there is no cause to forget our dreams –
love and light shift
like the tide
and seasons are an intimidating reminder
like a tap from above
that our days are numbered
with caution thrown to the wind
we take a chance on the unknown ~

© 2011 Trilby Yates

2010-12-26T11:45:00.000-08:00

...just hanging around hat in hand daze, wind blows a chill to the bone with a cup of java just waiting to be sipped ever so slowly...warmth seeps through the palms of my hands.

Black and white, color Kodachrome sugar coated thoughts pop in and out of the 3rd eye of the mind just roll on and on with complete random and transcendental imagery. Example:...tucked away in a dark shadowy corner - a crackling muted long drawn out hissing sound seeps from under not so green wet wood, amber's glowing with an intense hot white fiery burn - golden sparks flying from a fireplace that once held the heart and kept the soul pure until the slate cracked - a turning point and the end of that particular novella. Life shifts and plan B is set in motion.

Bouncing back and forth from one memory to the next, weaving a tapestry of tales spun together with word and song - precious detail and no lack for luster - One late fall evening sitting in a dimly lit French bar in a sweet part of the city, staircase wrapped up into the ceiling getting lost in the night sky, with twinkling starlight and distant clouds...couldn't help but notice how blue your eyes were...leaning in several times, a touch of the hand, head tilted back with laughter pouring from lips as wine is savored, stories told and the slight hesitation confirmed an attraction...you hide under your hat and I take cover between the lines - the written word is a protective cloak and you instinctively keep the beat...one never knows what the future may hold...a surprise party we've all been invited to, like it or not...

(transcendental [ˌtrænsɛnˈdɛntəl]
1. transcendent, superior, or surpassing
2. (Philosophy) (in the philosophy of Kant)
a. (of a judgment or logical deduction) being both synthetic and a priori
b. of or relating to knowledge of the presuppositions of thought
3. (Philosophy) Philosophy beyond our experience of phenomena, although not beyond potential knowledge
4. (Christian Religious Writings / Theology) Theol surpassing the natural plane of reality or knowledge; supernatural or mystical

© 2010 Trilby Yates

December 2010

2010-12-11T06:03:00.000-08:00

You would say...the hardest thing to do is a self portrait...keeping ego at bay...capturing the moment, the emotion without pretense, without the "say cheese" factor, candid...the eyes are the windows to the soul, the camera just preserves a moment.

Winter winds blow and your voice like a whisper is carried by a memory of a promise...a photograph speaks volumes ~

© 2010 Trilby Yates

November 2010

2010-11-21T05:32:00.000-08:00

French Beret 

Street doesn’t seem so harsh, not when the light of day shines bright and if you catch it just at the right moment, just the right angle, it’s perfection in the highest regard…trust me…words pour from the full lips of a man with a traditional French black cashmere beret head slightly tilted to the left side of the curve sizzling smooth accent, “Trust me Mon Chér…”

 A shiver runs from head to toe yet there is a pull to believe and a draw in the rawness of the moment to have faith.  So with a second thought…or two, caution is thrown to the wind and carried off to the far side of the LIS…and in an instant the slow-mo of special effects kicks in like a dream sequence from a black and white flick, hits a high and lyrics from an old favorite that would always bring tears to my eyes is carried by the wind, gently the way I could imagine the hands of God carrying an innocent soul from here to there...or the tender way lovers touch - pressed between layers of a cool breeze…highs and lows - music, words, a sentimental journey, yin and yang, fire and rain…

 “Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun…

Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around…

Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things to come…

Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground…”

Sentimental Shift  

Sentimental shift  

the air around the sound 

sweet melody carries away 

gentle hands heart held with an ache

of loss and memory bend…

Notes played with tender intent

to move the soul 

emotions rise and the feeling flows 

from here to there a reflective tap…

Fingers slide across stings 

that sing the heart’s song

words silent with necessity 

perfection in an echo bounce…

A Moment Shared

Eyes meet and what is known shared in a moment that lingers in timeless dreams a vision of the future...

October 2010...Another year

2010-10-22T15:26:00.000-07:00

A deep breath, the feel of the wind on my skin, the sound of the sea takes me to a place filled with memories of a time when love was unconditinal...it wasn't about luck...we had earned each other and a lifetime of happiness. But our time was short and life's cycle continues, the tide rises and falls, the sun will shine in the east and set in the west... I will miss you for another day, week, month and year...forever and always ~ as endless as our love.

September 2010

2010-09-03T02:34:00.000-07:00

MORE THOUGHTS...
Every second, every moment is etched in my mind - green eyes, promises, music, words, tears, touch, kiss, scent, love, fear, terror, loss, such deep everlasting loss...

No looking back, visions are like memories being played over and over without a pause button for some sense of relief...

Cancer he says in a cold but yet humane way. A pro at dropping the bomb like a WWII 18 year old soldier in the cockpit of a B52.

The heart weeps and opens wide the doors to self imposed Penance; just another Blues song with a touch of Lennon ~

La dolce vita and a cup of espresso with the Pope, a ferry ride to any island, walk the beach, feel the sand, the sun pouring light into love...

****

Laughter fades into the night as shadows turn from shades of gray to liquid silver sparking glimmers of light that seep into my heart.

****

There are some things in life we can control...anger, violence, integrity, maybe even our life's passion (although I think that's the nature vs nurture debate)...but love...umm don't think so.
Love comes from a place beyond the human part of us...maybe even a divine part or "heavenly" source.
Ever have that jolt when you meet someone? Face to face or the more modern version "cyberspace"?
And no matter what you tell yourself or how you try to deny what your heart is bleeding for it just continues to hemorrhage with an overwhelming yearning to be accepted, cherished, touched and "loved".
The images keep rolling in your mind like a movie, playing over and over, scene after tender scene.
Love, unconditionally falling from point A to Z in less than a heart beat.
Love, an emotion, a feeling, a blessing and one we have no control over.
We will fall and land on our feet or on our knees - but at the end of the day,
love will be what it is meant to be...because love is absolute.

****

There are a few things that help numb what has already died within...most are illegal...

Pray, plead, promise - beg, cry, scream and swear. Deny or accept. I'm convinced nothing can change the path we were on, NOTHING!

Memories are like little movies we can play over and over - black and white or in color, add music for special effect.

Flowers in my hair, you would smile and kiss me...such an angel you would say while holding my hand as if time were slipping away...

Twin flame - to have experienced unconditional love and acceptance makes life cold and dark when the other flame has been blown out...

From heart to head and back again...heart aches, head is the medicine that keeps the fever down and memories at bay...dream on love...

Guilt, guilt, every minute counts. Denial is a tool - keep the ticking time bomb tick-tock for another day. Oh to have those days back...

Peeking from behind the shadows there is nothing but a hollow echo that bounces back and forth, back and forth...endless echo...bounce

A tiny box, open slowly, a piece of paper folded neatly, placed inside. Unfold, words written. TY I love you and will always be with you JY

Join the fight, tell my story, symbolic wrist band - bold words - FIGHT LUNG CANCER...words from an aching heart sound hollow...

Empty spaces, between each line there is a void, a shadow dances in the night simply waiting for what will follow...

Bulls eye, right on target, nail on the head...you said it, I felt it...heart explodes into tiny pieces.

September spirits gather, slight wind carries a song to you while October waits its turn to mourn - Fall, how appropriate..

Our father who art in heaven, ourfatherwhoartinheavenourfatherwhoartinheaven...questions, pleading...no answer-silence...

Two steps forward several steps back to a time when life was full of love you and me never enough time, now the weekends are too long...

The feel of your hand in mine, a tender kiss, shared smile, eyes meet, a peaceful heart - you are here with me...I wake up confused...tears

Is there ever a time when loss fades to fond memories? When a smile has laughter on the cusp? Soul singing, soul singing...longing words

Scattered thoughts with one line that is steadfast, a common thread...a sense of loss shadows my days...shake free from it he whispers...

A new day...not much has changed...tides up, moved the room around...new view - life

TV, internet, ipod, stereo, help quiet the...lack of...

Early Sunday morning the rain is falling wind blowing the empty space next to me woke me up...sounds of silence

Working on a new book...Widow's Walk...it has been suggested that it will be cathartic! My name is Trilby, I am a widow...

Q. Do you rhyme when you write your poetry? A. No, not something I intentionally avoid, it's just not part of my natural flow.

I'm lost in a world of memories, music and thought - my words, my writing keep me sane...for the most part :)

His song is carried in the wind like a breath from a past filled with love.

Found an electronic card from my husband - it was sent a week before we found out he had lung cancer - lots of tears. Grief continues...

Steps taken the past will follow, the heart lingers in tomorrow -
Stand still it will pass you by, blow kisses to the sky...

Never Look Away

Oh the senses soar
each step creates
an experience,
upon a sunset high,
pink, purple harmonious~
eyes meet,
perfection in a moment~
a shift,
crumbs fall to the floor...
glancing back hear the music play
smile and never look away
smile and never look away

you are always with me love like the images that play dance to and fro wrapped neatly around my life, wrapped neatly around my heart...

© 2010 Trilby Yates

Photo by AKM 2010

August 2010

2010-08-22T08:48:00.000-07:00

Dare I...

What is this vibration that has me spinning on my heels…
what is this energy that has tapped into my, dare I say…heart…
who is this person that shares the same line,
sings the same song and shares a passion for music
who is this person that has walked a similar path only at a different time
who is this person that has promised to always be by my side…

July 2010

2010-07-01T05:06:00.000-07:00

...I mourn, I grieve...and now I'm in a free fall...where do I belong...married in my heart...single via circumstance...widow, widow...widow's walk...
the sea calls me early morn, early morn...I walk alone...yet sense the vibration of a distant drummer....where will the wind take me...when will fair winds and blue skies feel like home again?

Holiday weekend...summer kick off 2010

2010-05-30T05:16:00.001-07:00

Sharing The Same Mirror

We share the same mirror, the two of us
me on the left, you on the right,
...a slight blur between us
Two shadows sharing the same mirror
reflections of a past
maybe a promise for a future
who knows what it holds
and who cares when skipping the light fantastic
Time has been good to you
you smile
and I laugh at your vanity and flaunt my own
with a twist of my hair and red lipstick lips
that speak a version of the truth
A bleeding heart that cherishes the moments
few and far between
when love has been more than a band aid for what's been missing
Sharing the same mirror
the two of us
shadows from another time

Spring and Summer 2010...

2010-04-09T14:11:00.000-07:00

Crashing Waves

Walking along the beach
shore line jagged edge worn
comfortable like an old hat
held in a familiar hand
tangles of seaweed drift
without intention…
your voice fades off
shattering sound - crashing waves
once again I remember
you are no longer here…

Jazz Man

Notice the tide rolling
with the punches
not the way I do
battling life’s challenges
sea foam tossed in the air
strong Atlantic breeze
blows the tender sound
of the Jazz Man
always reminding me of home
looking out beyond the horizon
the sea never comes to an end
unlike the sweet songs
that are carried by the wind
from strumming fingers
on strings of gold
stirring up seashells
while conjuring images
bare feet running on the sand
you unknowingly remind me
with a riff now and then
that off in the distance
as the notes rise above
the tide will come and the tide will go
sometimes high and not always low
play me another song my sweet Jazz Man

Winter Blues 2010

2010-02-20T15:41:00.000-08:00

Powers of Love

A bit of nostalgia
floats through the air
a chill from the west side of Long Island
it blows across the Sound
in a whisper
a tiny voice
fingers to lips, hush
steel guitar serenading
is like a gentle touch
to a tattered heart
a mellow reminder
that fairy tales never fade
and time makes room
for the next chapter
of a very long story
of sand and shells
music and memories
your kiss is a soothing testament
to the powers of love…

Another Valentine's Day...love

2010-02-13T17:40:00.000-08:00

A Moment

We were a moment
a flash of light
a shooting star
we were a moment
promises made
smiles shared -

We were a moment,
of passionate kisses
of whispered words
we were a moment
a bright future
a beautiful gift

We were a moment that will last a lifetime...Love

Trilby's Daze - video and song 1.25.2010

2010-01-25T16:41:00.001-08:00

A New Decade 2010

2010-01-03T15:35:00.000-08:00

Fog of Loss

The air is cold instant tug on my sleeve
like a tiny reminder that time has passed
and so goes another year
When the heart is distraught
there are only a few things
that cause a moment of pause and clarity
To move into a blur almost as a way to protect
and shield an image from fading
like pages of an old love letter
Yellowing with age its only enemy
But what the mind holds as precious
can only be altered when the heart has taken a step
out of the fog of loss and grief
letting go of what once was the only path worth traveling

Christmas 2009

2009-12-25T09:09:00.000-08:00

To: JYates, xxoo TYates

Holidays and cheer watching the first snow fall
There is a flash of your eyes from days gone by…
Along with a chill in the air
Keep the cold at bay and memories close to my heart
Swept up in a moment when your hand was in mine,
Tightly wrapped around mine…
Recall a warm glow, your smile star light and crisp,
Gentle flow of love and affection
Like the perfection of our first kiss…every time
Music floats dancing as snow flakes swirl...
Remember,
“…when your hand was in mine darlin…
Your hand tightly wrapped around mine
Your hand in mine…tightly wrapped around mine,
never letting go…your hand in mine…”

December 2009

2009-12-12T16:48:00.000-08:00

Fine Line

Night falls pulling at my heart strings
like the notes of a tragic love song
sung with that familiar 13 bar blues riff
emotions hit on the up beat
rather than on the down
flip side quick ride
never leaves me lonely
but in this place of spaces in between
where silence is seductive
I wait to hear from you
a slight touch
or whisper
in the night
something that can keep me
from walking a fine line
to the very edge
that once was more of a life style
than just a thrill…

November...birthdays and holidays

2009-11-27T00:10:00.001-08:00

Jump the Track

Another day
won’t matter
Meeting by chance
doesn’t prove anything
Leave it to destiny
leave it to caution
Tossed in the air
caught by an up draft
Pushed to the limit
tumbling in harms way
…good fortune, good fortune
haphazard on occasion

Fate, less of an option
...train jumps the track ~

*************************************************

Sailing Without The Wind

A million questions float in the air
and I’ll never wait long enough
to hear the answers
because there is a time
and place for every breath

I’m at a cross road
sailing without the wind...

Time does not heal all wounds....

2009-10-20T18:02:00.000-07:00

Till Then

A chill in the night air
wind blows from the north
sails are lowered
a season comes to an end
nothing touches the soul
deeply in love
deeply in love sweet one
eyes close
metaphors dance slowly
with familiarity
bodies move in sync
dream like seduction
deeply in love
deeply in love sweet one
morning light seeps through
a new day rises
till the evening falls again
deeply in love
deeply in love sweet one

Fall 2009

2009-09-19T06:22:00.000-07:00

Gentle Reminder

Slight rush of wind, gentle reminder, touch to the cheek… gentle reminder
Deep dreams, vivid color, love story, continuous waft …gentle reminder
Seasons slip, summer to fall, cool breeze, last sail…gentle reminder
Songs satisfy, empty spaces, lyrics ring true, tune, familiar hum…gentle reminder
Tender moments, sleepless nights, AM chatter, smiles kiss the sky…gentle reminder
Finger tips, poignant embrace, time and distance, union remains, forever the same …gentle reminder
Another moment, another day, incessant, without you as I lovingly drift off, fade away…gentle reminder…gentle reminder

Exhale

Exhale…
slow release
thoughts jump the rope
skip to simple complex closure of the mind
leave the day on a slow train
like a boat to China
no direction
short of misgivings or concern
fast track
take my hand
leading the way
fork in the road
wind blows
from the north shore
leaving less than what is anticipated
when expectations are already at a low
subtle smile lingers on…

Sail Away With Me

Waves caress port side
leaning to the left
fill the sails with a new direction
unknown
last breath
secrets from the other side –
whispering angels hovering above…let him exhale one more time…
prayers are rarely answered and coincidence never ring true
songs blow by
haunting tunes of love and sorrow,
“…sail away with me honey, hold my heart in your hands, sail away with me honey, sail away with me now…”

Shore of Recollection

Take hold love
Aim into the wind
Quick get away
As darkness surrounds
Dimming light
Off in the distance
Where once you wrapped your arms around me
Kissed my face, forehead, eyes and lips
Visions are clear
Memories never fade
To that distant
Shore of recollection

Fall is in the air...

2009-09-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

Van Gogh...Lost Lover (September 12, 2009)

What is held in those moments late at night when the light from the moon doesn’t shine as bright as it once did when your hand fit perfectly into mine?

What happens to a memory that is meant to fade as time and aging slip away to a quieter place where the song is sentimental and the image remains crystal clear?

What will a gentle touch gliding across a body once promised never to stray bring to lips that have not been kissed with the passion of Van Gogh…lost lover?

Life pushes though slivers of time as sand adjusts beneath my feet on a far off shore line that holds the answers to endless questions that seem beyond the realm of compassion...

Memory Lane (9.6.09)

Up date
change of status
what’s next
we never know
Take a step
beyond the shadows
slip into something less discrete
Black satin with a twist of lace
when all else fails
there’s always Eau de Parfum
tantalizing the senses
taste of fine wine
touch of a soft hand
finger tips draw a line
map from head to toe
taking detours
getting lost
when nothing in life
stays the same
taking a stroll
down Memory Lane

Rambling thoughts...

2009-08-02T18:15:00.000-07:00

Fair Winds and Following Seas

Sea breeze, a few glasses of wine
conversations that go astray
loose lips sail ships
from the traditional
“…what if’s…”
“…would you…”
promises
ragging fears come to light
while other’s are put to bed
love is not a link
to a chain that binds
but the feather’s
in an angel’s wings
taunting us to fly
and as we hold on tight
wrapped in a blanket of disguise
as if this would be the last time
there is never a second guess
to where passion will take us

wishing always…

"Fair Winds and Following Seas."

********************************

Heart Stings

Tide shifts with continuity
Highs and lows of a new moon
Float among stars and planets
While tugging on heart strings
Like the notes from a guitar
Songs reflecting a sentimental mood
Creating new memories
While kisses stir the soul
Shinning a light on the potential of another day
Filled with smiles and moments
That cause pause and question
The unpredictable likelihood
Of lust and/or passion
With or without a connection
Between two souls
While ambivalence and tentativeness
Lead the way

***********

Taxi Driver

What to say when a question is posed
Like a bull in a China shop…

The only answer lay dumbfound on the tongue of an exiled wise ass ~

“So, uh what about you, dating yet or uh, anything…?”

That is how the question game begins
Twisting in the wind via self-preservation, defensiveness… and
A touch of whatthefuck –

One way ticket directly to Hell
Do not pass go or collect two hundred dollars…
Just answer the question and hit the high road, get out of Dodge
A fast train to…no where

The reply is not as quick witted as a sharp shooter
Answers flying solo on the wrong side of the road
While the stakes are higher still as Park Avenue blends with Broadway
And the mortgage was lost on a free toss of the dice...Dooms Day 1929

Spin the wheel of fortune, on the down beat I can name that tune
Just the slightest hint and charades is no longer much of a challenge
Along with finding the misplaced Shroud of Turin
In a small apartment on the south side of Tribeca
At a film festival that draws an exclusive crowd

While a slight echo bounces around the inside of my curve
For a writer I find myself at a complete loss for words....
So in my best De Niro...take aim - fire…

“…you talkin to me…”

******************************

Red Balloon

A fine line between what is said
and what is meant
when passion hides
behind well wishes and glances
on the other side of friendship
and no one knows better
than Madame Bovary
if love will come or
love will go
the extra mile or
fade off into a slow burn
sun rises and sets
with each lie that innocently
drips from lips of gold
like spilt wine from high end crystal
visions of happily ever after
play out in the perfection of a Truffaut flick
and optimism is a red balloon
that is chased after and never caught…

unobtainable high…

Summer Time Blues

2009-07-11T06:31:00.000-07:00

Blow Sweet Melody

Mr. Sunshine steps off to the left
with a wave of his hand,
bowing majestically,
“After you my dear,”
soft tones of highs and lows
with a Cheshire smile
to make the gesture complete…
full circle swing

Caution takes the lead,
nods in confirmation
gingerly moving past the man
who holds the Jester hostage
and the only one that matters
is the cool cat
with the harp perched between his lips
without malice or intent…

blow sweet melody, blow…

Summer 2009

2009-06-30T04:40:00.000-07:00

Bitter Sweet Time

There is no time like the present
Keep one foot in the here and now
While the other dangles freely – wind beneath
One hand waves farewell to new comers
The other tips the head waiter with a smirk
Wooden nickels hold their value in this Land of Oz
Like souvenirs at a carnival - children smile
And even though this ghost ship is half empty
Like the champagne glass resting peacefully - aura of decadence
The heart cannot let go of dreams and visions
Plans left incomplete, anniversaries come and go

I will follow…
In time, in bitter sweet time ~

...

2009-05-23T17:27:00.000-07:00

Women of The Sea

The wind rages from the West
across the main land filling sails
sending the day from point to point
tack,
mainsail luff,
“…come about…”
a thought
that never makes its way
from brain wave
to verbal vibration -
all hands on deck
a solo act
when solitude is the destination
of least resistance
peace rises between layers
of wind and cloud
9 knots with 8 foot swells
adrenalin hits a high note
as if Sachamo were crew
blowing old favorites
from a time when life was a mystery
or what we thought it could be –
temptation drifts off
into the slow burn of a sunset
memories find a harmonious harbor
to rest during the inevitable storm
slow sway
sentimental echo
making lovers dance
babies dream

while women of the sea
gaze beyond the horizon…

Spring 2009 cont...

2009-05-16T05:33:00.000-07:00

Dance With Me

Dreamy eyes that look past a potential story line
Cast of characters fall to the left on bended knee
Heart in hand, you whisper in a sultry voice

“Dance with me…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walk Alone

Walking toward the morning sunrise

Red sky at night a sailors delight
Red sky in morning sailors take warning

Secluded shore covered in a blanket of
sand and stone,
seashells and colored sea glass
footsteps quietly washed away
No remnants left behind
An emotional tide of high’s and low’s
A continuous loop

Summer, winter, spring and fall…

Spring 2009

2009-04-04T07:12:00.000-07:00

Another Day...

sun shifts comfortably
swinging back and forth
north, south, east to west
dreamers daydream
regardless of cause or effect
fingers snap to the heart beat
the way a lover’s hand would caress
gentle moments that never end
candle light and incense
reminiscent of a seductive dance
lips will kiss tears away…

love will come
another
day…
yes, love is never far away ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Poems 2009...cont.

2009-03-13T05:24:00.000-07:00

How Do I...

How do I look into the night sky
Without seeing a shooting star
To make a wish
That isn’t completely selfish
And unreasonable to anyone of sound mind and body,
When all I can think about is how to make a deal
With a higher power to have another moment with you
To say those things I didn’t say
Or hold you closer than I should have
Without hesitation of formality…
Where do I take this emptiness
And never let time fill it with trivia and absence?
How do I go from here to there
When half of what is me has moved beyond my reach
And the enemy isn’t in the dark of night
Or hidden in the light of day
It’s surrounds me completely
Regardless of circumstance –
How do I…
Questions incomplete
And answers are less than likely
To be revealed
With out more direction
Or intent
When there isn’t much of either…

Cloak and Dagger

Turning slowly
Eyes meet
Lock in an embrace
The words in my mind
Fall from your lips
Like pearls of wisdom
Dripping in sultry shades
Of day dreams
Soft lavender
With a touch of grey
Highlighting the shadows
That dance to and fro
Gentle lullaby
“Hush baby
Please don’t cry…”
Without warning
Shooting stars fall
The soul is cloaked
In a plush velvet robe
Blanketed gently by a pure
Winter snow
Covering what has yet to be seen
Magnified by a sharp pain
Like a dagger to the heart
Carving away
Silently

Cautionary tales of woe…

Poems 2009...cont

2009-02-18T13:48:00.000-08:00

Dancing Dreams

Walk softly past my window
Early morning light stretches
Across a dimly lit sky
With gentle hands
Reaching for a heart
That yawns
While the mind
Holds onto dreams
In shimmering shades
Of lavender and blue
Pleading, “…don’t wake me, not yet, not yet…”
Tender kisses like feathers fall
From the lips of lovers
Drift upon a delicate backdrop
Of rainbows and the sweet scent of freshly picked flowers
Dancing like Fred and Ginger
Two as one synchronized
In a life filled with promises
Of forever and always…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spaces In Between

It’s not how many note…
How many notes you play…it’s the spaces
Like lines between words of woe or endearment
It’s the silence that lingers in the air
Silence that lingers after lovemaking
Spaces in between lines, notes, words…
Silence floats peacefully above
Floats peacefully while lovers embrace
Quiet gentle embrace where words
Like notes are better left to linger
In the reverie of perfection, unspoken
It’s not how many notes you play…it’s the spaces in between
It’s not how many words you say…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One Step

One step in front of the other
a sexy aloof sway of the hips
purposely oblivious to watching eyes
entranced by the sounds that surround
Atlantic breeze always makes the heart skip a beat
passion still flows, acknowledged
a smile appears as corners turn up on glossy full lips
simple thought sings silently

“yes”

when the heel of a 4” stiletto get’s stuck
in random space’s
between the planks of a dock
that floats on top of a restless sea
throwing off the perfection of a seductive stride
like the 12 bar riff of a Blues song
the only sound that echo’s
bouncing from mast to mast
is the obscene ranting of frustration
pick up the pieces dust them off
take another step gingerly
a bit more aware of what lie ahead
go against the grain
blow caution to the wind
one last act of defiance
step on board a swaying 40 footer
heels in hand
exposing a subtle amount of long legs
a left hand salute
questioning eyes,

“Permission to come a board, Captain?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Footsteps In The Sand

When the veil is shed layer by layer
A glimmering light from the never forgotten
Is dulled by the glow of a not to distant future
A shift in ones heart beat and state of mind
Will ride out the storm that peacefully anticipates
The reoccurrence when the Widow meets the Captain
From years ago on a tempestuous night
In a far a way land when the past and present
Did not collide leading two souls
To fall from one pedestal to another
Only to land in loving hands
That could not be denied
Yet forbidden in a world
Of choice and morality
Atonement as a Guardian Angel
So lines do not become blurred
Or washed out to sea
As the tide sweeps away
Lover’s footsteps in the sand
Only to long for another time
To create those footsteps once again…

Poems 2009...continued....Valentines Day

2009-02-12T17:03:00.000-08:00

Pure Heart

Melt away smoldering ash ~
Sweet song serenades
Deep breath, take a bow ~
Love the hands that move you
Tears flow but never fall ~
Tender kisses tell the tale
Finger tips draw fine lines ~
Never touching the curve
Slow decline emotions blend ~
Shades of grey to lavender
Perfection rests in between ~
Valentines from past to present
Pure heart ~
Pure heart

Poems 2009...continued

2009-02-01T12:13:00.000-08:00

Silk Kimono

Vintage silk lavender kimono falls to the floor
An uncovering; a tender blush from head to toe
Exposing more than a naked body
Sweet scent of a sea breeze
Aromatherapy pours a peaceful offering
To sooth an aching soul
When the tide shifts from high to low
Even though there is an overflow
Of liquid emotion filling the quiet corners
Of this receptive heart
The emptiness echo’s from shore to shore
Engulfing a shaken spirit that reaches out
For love once more…

Poems 2009

2009-01-29T14:01:00.000-08:00

Beyond The Fog

Early morning light peers through tiny cracks like a private eye - subtle surveillance
Between nightmares and day-dreams there is a harsh sense that shoots across the sky
As reality focuses on the blurred vision of weary eyes and the only time line has spanned the universe
A love that lives in another sphere…what is there after you?
The question lay still and the answers are silent…

For certain, one day follows the next,
the sun will rise and the sun will set…
the tide is high and the tide is low…
the night comes and the morning goes…

I wake up knowing that there is something more and yet there is no clarity beyond the fog of my own imagination…

``````````````````````````````

Recognition

A few side steps and off the curve
for a while there is a time and place
to bat your eyes and lick your lips
as if the package is all that matters
and in those moments when
the label tastes better than the wine
and the left hand on your Rolex
gets stuck between AM and PM
in a hesitating movement
that never gets beyond the here and now
remember where you came from
not just where you’re headed
because at the end of the day
all that matters is what you hold
dear to your heart
even if it is gently worn
on the sleeve of your designer suit
with an occasional nod of recognition
to what once was…

`````````````````````````````````````

Dreamer

Early morning sunlight shines through lace curtains
Casting delicate intricate patterns
Over my quilted four poster feather bed
That gently cradles this dreamer’s wrestling heart
Creating elaborate tales where love lasts forever
Kisses are deep with passion
Fingers entwined engulfing more
Than the hand of a lover
But the soul of a life mate
When each reverie shifts
From one scene to the next
Like a romantic movie
Sometimes black and white
Sometime Technicolor
Always floating slightly above the sea
With the ability to feel a warm breeze blowing
Tenderly caressing my face, playfully tussling my hair
In a place where there is much more to cherish
Then just my time in waking hours ~

``````````````````````````````````````````````````

Doctor’s Orders

Pop a little pink pill Trilby,
Let the RX take your blues away
When time passes, at your own pace of course,
The dose will double to get you over the hump
Like a Wednesday in a normal week,
When normal is unidentifiable,
If you are predictable
Following the path of grief
All five of its stages
A withdrawal process will begin
Fair warning it has a life all of its own,
Not reminiscent of the one that was lost…
An easing back into the real world,
The reality that was over medicated,
The pain that was anesthetized like a patient having a tooth pulled,
Only now the crutch will be kick out from under you
You will learn to walk on your own,
You will learn to feel the loss,
You will cope and move forward
From a change that took place
When you were as weak as a new born child
Now it’s time to face the music
Off in the distance all I can hear is Son House wailing…

I got a letter this mornin, how do you reckon it read?
It said, "Hurry, hurry, yeah, your love is dead"
I got a letter this mornin, I say how do you reckon it read?
You know, it said, "Hurry, hurry, how come the gal you love is dead?"

So, I grabbed up my suitcase, and took off down the road.....

New Year 2009

2009-01-01T05:41:00.000-08:00

A new year - 2009, there are times when I have no words of my own to express this journey - the occasional glimmer of hope or a slight light beyond all the shadows. Jerry will always be with me in my heart and my thoughts.
A New Years poem by Brock a writer on DA.

MEMORY

And you wait, await the one thing
that will infinitely increase your life;
the gigantic, the stupendous,
the awakening of stones,
depths turned round toward you.

The volumes in brown and gold
flicker dimly on the bookshelves;
and you think of lands traveled through,
of paintings, of the garments
of women found and lost.

And then all at once you know: that was it.
You rise, and there stands before you
the fear and prayer and shape
of a vanished year.

Amodestmouse - Brock

The Night Before Christmas...

2008-12-24T14:03:00.000-08:00

It was our last night before Christmas, there were no gifts under our twinkling tree...
Candle lights burning, smiles, warm embrace, kisses...just you and me...

It is the night before Christmas, there are no gifts under my twinkling tree...
Candle lights burning...memories fill the room with love and images of you and me...

Merry Christmas my love,
Always and Forever
Trilby

Our Christmas tree...

2008-12-18T12:32:00.001-08:00

A little potted tree...a new tradition - actually Jimmy started it last year without even realizing it! Larry & Anna took our little potted tree from Christmas 2007 to Amagansett and planted it in your honor - calling it "Jerry's tree", a name sake in the Hamptons. This year another little potted tree will go to North Stamford and will be planted on Chestnut Hill, for the kids in your honor, "Jerry's tree #2".

Everyday is a journey love, and everyday I miss you more and more ~
Always,
Trilby

Another emotional day...

2008-12-12T16:07:00.000-08:00

Another emotional day, but at least it was a day that was for you...your design, your stone...

Twelve by twelve black granite polished surface
Reflects back images like a mirror to the soul
Seagulls flying overhead
Subtle movement of passing clouds
The wind blows across the placid surface
Ashes to ashes dust to dust…

Sunglasses hide the intensity
Tears reveal the pain
Rolling down hollowed cheeks
Fingers outline each letter
Spelling out your name…

Gerard T. Yates ~ Artist

words and photo,

I'm only sleeping...

2008-11-30T08:09:00.001-08:00

Home is where the heart is...happy birthday love ~

2008-11-26T03:26:00.000-08:00

Two of us riding nowhere
Spending someone's hard earned pay,
You and me Sunday driving,
Not arriving on our way back home.

We're on our way home,
We're on our way home,
We're going home.

Two of us sending postcards
Writing letters on my wall.
You and me burning matches,
Lifting latches on our way back home.

We're on our way home,
We're on our way home,
We're going home.

You and I have memories
Longer than the road that stretches out ahead

Two of us wearing raincoats
Standing solo in the sun.
You and me chasing paper,
Getting nowhere on our way back home.

We're on our way home,
We're on our way home,
We're on our way home.

You and I have memories
Longer than the road that stretches out ahead]

Two of us wearing raincoats
Standing solo in the sun.
You and me chasing paper,
Getting nowhere on our way back home

We're on our way home,
We're on our way home,
We're on our way home

The Beatles

In case you're listening...

2008-11-24T17:29:00.000-08:00

by Jack Bruce

Please open your eyes.
Try to realize.
I found out today we're going wrong,
We're going wrong.

Please open your mind.
See what you can find.
I found out today we're going wrong,
We're going wrong.

We're going wrong.
We're going wrong.
We're going wrong.

by Ginger Baker and Mike Taylor

It is a cold winter,
Away is the songbird.
And gone is her traveler,
She waits at home.

The sun is on holiday,
No leaves on the trees.
The animals sleep
While cold North wind blows.

The snowflakes are falling,
The roof a white blanket.
There's ice on the window pane,
She waits alone.

She sits by the fireside,
The room is so warm.
Her children are sleeping,
She waits in their home.

Passing the time.
Passing the time.
Everything fine.
Passing the time, drinking red wine.
Passing the time, drinking red wine.
Passing the time, drinking red wine.
Passing the time, everything fine.
Passing the time, drinking red wine.
Passing the time, everything fine.
Passing the time, wine and time rhyme.
Passing the time.

It is a long winter,
Away is the summer.
She waits for her traveler
So far from home.

She sits by the fireside,
The room is so warm.
There's ice on the window,
She's lonely alone.

Photo by Jerry Yates 2006

Your favorite band...

2008-11-19T16:43:00.001-08:00

I remember our long talks about music, the Blues, British Invasion, Hendrix, Cream, Ozzie, drummers...Ginger Baker, Mitch Mitchell, Buddy Rich, etc - you couldn't believe how much I knew and I was thrilled that we were on the same page when it came to sound and the feel of music...and now it makes me smile when I recall the look on your face when I told you I wasn't a big fan of the Beatles - I thought you were going to faint! In time I've come to appreciate your love of their music...and now every time I hear one of their songs, it brings me to tears...

Your Love Is Forever

2008-11-14T18:10:00.000-08:00

Sublime in the summertime, warm and lazy . . .
These are perfect days like Heaven's about here,
But unlike summer came and went -
Your love is forever,
I feel it and my heart knows
That we share it together.

Resigned to the wintertime's cold and dreary
Peering into fire flames, burning I know
That unlike winter came and went
Your love is forever
I feel it and my heart knows
That we share it together

I feel it and my heart knows you're the one
The guiding light in all your love shines on
The only lover worth it all
Your love is forever.

The Beatles - Here, There and Everywhere

To lead a better life I need my love to be here...

Here, making each day of the year
Changing my life with a wave of her hand
Nobody can deny that there's something there

There, running my hands through her hair
Both of us thinking how good it can be
Someone is speaking but she doesn't know he's there

I want her everywhere and if she's beside me
I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her everywhere
Knowing that love is to share

Each one believing that love never dies
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there

I want her everywhere and if she's beside me
I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her everywhere
Knowing that love is to share

Each one believing that love never dies
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there

To be there and everywhere
Here, there and everywhere

Another side to the curve...

2008-11-09T09:39:00.000-08:00

There are moments when complete panic rushes over me
Realization…you are truly gone, not coming back…not coming back
Gone…gone…smiles in photographs, kisses and hands held
Love notes written on tiny pieces of paper stuck to the bathroom mirror
In the refrigerator, on the steering wheel of the car…love notes…
Self-portraits…your voice, whispers endearing words everlasting love devotion

Eternal muse…eternal connection…twin flame, soul mate, husband
Repeat over and over…you can’t build your home in the cemetery Trilby
Jerry would want you to be happy – Jerry would want you to find joy
Jerry would want you to move forward…move forward…
One day, one word at a time…one step forward two steps back…
In the quiet of the night when nothing seems to matter, when nothing can
penetrate my sorrow a distant, yet clear voice speaks softly,
“…Hi babe, all's well, don't worry…I love you Trilby…”

Only then sleep takes my heart and we enter a temporary place of peace…

Dear Jerry,

2008-10-27T02:35:00.000-07:00

I found your jacket downstairs, original Porsche emblem along with a Bert’s Bees lip balm - initials “JY” artistically printed on the cap with your signature black Sharpie. While it made me smile and memories flooded every crack in this weary façade; that has failed me miserably I might add - there is a sense of joy to have even the smallest of treasures to hold onto.

I've had a year to feel the stress and stain of tears that push their way up and over me, not taking the time to seep slowly through, more like a tidal wave, unexpected at times and powerful; as much of a master as I once was at reveal and conceal, I no longer have the energy to pull away from what has been the happiest time in my life even if it causes an endless emotional jag. Yes love, bitter sweet. Denial is no longer an option.

So I'll linger here for a while with thoughts of us and won’t move from this place without a fight to maintain the clarity of the memories that I hold so dear…

I love you, forever and always...and then some,
Yours,
Trilby

Random thoughts:

- My heart has lost a beat...skipping in a way that is out of sync with the rhythm that we kept so close to the vest - as if we were unique in a world full of narcissistic lovers…

- Seagulls fly close to the sand with a wing span that reaches out to the vast ocean, wide endless and as deep as my sorrow, with no direction or destination known. I can close my eyes, still see your face, I listen to an obscure artist sing a pleading song of love and devotion - lyrics that ring loudly in surround sound, “…dance with me to the colors of the dust…dance with me to the colors of the dust…” ~ because that’s all we are at the end of the day, from the beginning of time until our last breath fades off into and away ~ there is so much I have yet to behold…

Love of the Loved

Each time I look into your eyes,
I see that there, there heaven lies.
And as I look,
I see the love of the loved.

Some day they'll see that from the start,
My place has been deep in your heart.
And in your heart
I see the love of the loved.

Though I've said it all before,
I will say it more and more
Now that I'm really sure you love me.
And I know that from today,
I'll see it in the way
That you look at me and say, ah, you love me.

So let it rain, I'll never care?
Deep in your heart, I'll still be there.
And when I'm there,
I see the love of the loved.

Though I've said it all before,
I will say it more and more
Now that I'm really sure you love me.
And I know that from today,
I'll see it in the way
That you look at me and say, ah, you love me.

So let it rain, I'll never care?
Deep in your heart, I'll still be there.
And when I'm there,
I see the love of the loved,
I see the love of the loved,
I see the love of the loved.

Writers: Lennon, McCartney; lead vocal: McCartney

Jerry's just for fun flicks...

2008-10-24T14:04:00.000-07:00

Jerry's Horror Movie ~ Jerry Yates 2006

Don't Mess With Us ~ Jerry Yates 2006

Walking Windex ~ Jerry Yates

It's A Plastic World ~ Jerry Yates 2006

"...and I fell in love with him..."

2008-10-22T17:28:00.000-07:00

October 22, 2004...our first date - Dinner at Fio's 7:00 PM, a date that was scheduled around the Yankee's (I had been a long time Boston fan, but gave up my allegiance due to a baseball "superstition" which would not allow me to visit Jerry in the studio unless I turned my back on the Red Sox - easy choice).

Not wanting to get there to early, or late. I drove slowly to Fio's (which is about 3 minutes from my house), looked in the parking lot to see if his car was there...it wasn't - I drove around the block, came back - his car still wasn't there. Finally I decided to park way in the back, so I didn't appear to obvious or anxious.

Jerry was about 15 minutes late. I waited, paced, tried to look relaxed, cool, aloof. Checked my hair, lipstick in the mirror, I turned the radio on, changed the station a dozen times, put in a CD, turned it up, turned it down, turned it off.

7:10PM...maybe he's standing me up...maybe he drove by, saw me in the parking lot and kept on driving!

Then my phone beeped...it was Jerry. My heart sank...he's cancelling. To my relief, he was at the wrong restaurant...he went to the Long Ridge Tavern by mistake. He apologized, laughed about how absent minded he was - and blamed it on the Yankees :) - and said he'd be at Fio's in a few minutes.

Now my heart was pounding...what if the photo's were 20 years old...what if he's really short or chubby...what if I'm too short...or chubby...just as my thoughts were plummeting into, as Jerry would later call, "...a self loathing abyss..." off in the distance there was the sound of a sport's car - and then a dark brown Porsche pulled in and for the very first time we actually saw each other outside of cyber space. Eye contact...sparks!

My first thought was OMG...he looks just like his pictures, at least from the shoulders up - then he got out of the car and started to walk towards me, hands stuffed into his pockets...he had this amazing smile and his eyes were twinkling...yes, I remember what he wore...jeans, black boots, a dark sports coat (he told me it belonged to Bob Lorenz) and a deep purple cotton DKNY dress shirt (Jerry always remembered what I wore too...we were just that way I guess...and yes he looked amazingly sexy!) He walked up to me and stuck out his hand and said, "Hi, I'm Jerry".

Jerry's profile on match said he hated people...I thought that was the funniest thing, so I had to write to him...yup, I made the first contact. He wrote back to me and said it was a joke...but true! For about a month we wrote back and forth, trying to find a time to meet...the Yankees were attempting to get into the series and Jerry was working all kinds of crazy long hours. I don't think I ever watched so much baseball in my life and prayed that the Yankees would win, lose, beat Boston, just wrap it up soon...I didn't care! Of course as fate would have it - it turned out to be the year of "extra innings" and very long games!

Later Jerry told me that he had 3 or 4 female profiles that he printed out and passed around the YES studio - he needed help deciding which woman to go out with (he was so flattered that soooo many woman contacted him)...I will forever be grateful to the YES crew for picking me!

We went inside and had an amazing first date...we talked for hours, don't think either of us ate very much and spent a lot of time looking at one another shaking our heads in amazement...both smiling from ear to ear - Jerry running his fingers through his hair...

We admitted to one another months later, that we both knew this was it and couldn't believe we had finally found each other. An immediate connection. Jerry joked that he was waiting for some of his friends from YES to jump out from behind a door, yelling "...jokes on you..." or he'd laugh and ask me, how much did George and Joe pay me to trick him.

When dinner was over, Jerry walked me to my car and asked if he could see me again...I was thrilled and said yes...when??? He told me he would call me the next day and we could make a plan - with that he took a step closer and kissed me...a really great perfect 1st date kiss...not an over the top I want to have sex with you groping kiss, but a "you are amazing and I want to savor each moment" kiss. Then he opened my car door and I got in - he leaned in and kissed me again...told me to drive safe and he would talk to me tomorrow.

I was flying! It was as if this weird sense of clarity came over me...I had no doubt that this man would be my husband and we would spend our life together...

Later when I got home there was an email from Jerry...with a plan!

Over the next couple of years we always celebrated the day we met via cyber space at Fio's. Last year we bought Jerry's favorite chairs...Wassily, two of them - the purchase was full of hope for both of us, it made Jerry smile and he was so happy...even though he didn't want anyone to sit in them :)

The chairs arrived on October 23, 2007.

This year...Fio's is closed. A new owner, a new name. I sit in our chairs, alone, moving from one to the other...a little Stevie Ray Vaughn in the background...candles and incense...dim the lights and remember...remember how good it was to see Jerry smile last year, to see him sitting in his favorite chair, to remember the feelings of hope we shared...the twinkle in his beautiful green eyes when he talked about our future, joking about the kids, the cat and how he would always be with me...I can still hear his voice...always Trilby, always and forever...I love you...

Photograph/Art: Gerard T Yates 2004
"...and I fell in love with her..."

...and the wind cries...

2008-10-18T14:43:00.000-07:00

October has been a mix of emotions for me and my children...we are approaching one year since Jerry...I never know what to say, what are the right words...the words that don't sound like doom and gloom, agony, complete torture with a touch of guilt and a heavy dose of sorrow...all of those feelings are a part of the daily norm for me, but my husband was full of life and laughter - he wouldn't have been happy with a lot of tears and sadness.

I try to remember how handsome he was and when I would tell him, if we had met as kids or teenagers, I would have fallen in love with him over and over again - Jerry's face would light up and he would say, "...Trilby, I would have followed you around like a puppy..."

Jerry would make jokes during chemotherapy, even got the doctor to smile a few times. He couldn't eat and just the smell of food made him sick...he would say,
“…it's ok, you can never be too thin in my business…” when he lost another 10lbs after already losing 30lbs. He asked the nurse, “…can my wife borrow your nurse’s outfit…just for the weekend…” with a sheepish smile.

He joked about where he would go when he was gone and how I would be soooo envious. Sometimes he would send me text messages asking "…how are you this morning my beautiful merry widow…", so maybe he had a dark sense of humor - but I do know that we laughed and held on tighter during the bleakest of times.

Maybe a sense of humor is a defense mechanism, maybe it's a gift from "God" so we can face those frightening times, maybe it's magic star-dust sprinkled by a Guardian Angel looking after their ward so they can sleep peacefully at night...or it could just be the way human beings make this life bearable when tragedy and loss are right around the corner.

They say we are the only creatures on the planet that know what our inevitable fate will be…with an added element of surprise…not knowing, “when”…we also have “free will”…giving us an added tool to take responsibility for what may or may not be waiting for us on the other side.

I wonder if “God” spent a lot of time thinking about how to implement this part of the “master plan”…sitting at the drawing board twisting that long white beard – umm, let me see, how can I make my creations a bit more edgy…ah, I’ve got it, the gift of knowledge…and denial… With a flick of the hand and all is perfect…

“…it's been almost a year since Jerry went to that big no expense spared HD upgraded state of the art studio in the sky! Where he has long chats and jam sessions with his pals Hendrix, Lennon, Vaughn, Warhol, etc…"

Much better, as I choke back the tears and try to smile.

Camera # 3...action!

Blue Moon On The Rise...

2008-10-09T13:37:00.000-07:00

I got a letter this mornin, how do you reckon it read?
It said, "Hurry, hurry, yeah, your love is dead"
I got a letter this mornin, I say how do you reckon it read?
You know, it said, "Hurry, hurry, how come the gal you love is dead?"

So, I grabbed up my suitcase, and took off down the road
When I got there she was layin on a coolin' board
I grabbed up my suitcase, and I said and I took off down the road
I said, but when I got there she was already layin on a coolin' board

Well, I walked up right close, looked down in her face
Said, the good ol' gal got to lay here 'til the Judgment Day
I walked up right close, and I said I looked down in her face
I said the good ol' gal, she got to lay here 'til the Judgment Day

Looked like there was 10,000 people standin' round the buryin' ground
I didn't know I loved her 'til they laid her down
Looked like 10,000 were standin' round the buryin' ground
You know I didn't know I loved her 'til they damn laid her down

Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul
I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold
I said, Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul
You know I wouldn't mistreat nobody, baby, not for my weight in gold

Well, I folded up my arms and I slowly walked away
I said, "Farewell honey, I'll see you on Judgment Day"
Ah, yeah, oh, yes, I slowly walked away
I said, "Farewell, farewell, I'll see you on the Judgment Day"

You know I went in my room, I bowed down to pray
The blues came along and drove my spirit away
I went in my room, I said I bowed down to pray
I said the blues came along and drove my spirit away

You know I didn't feel so bad, 'til the good ol' sun went down
I didn't have a soul to throw my arms around
I didn't feel so bad, 'til the good ol' sun went down
You know, I didn't have nobody to throw my arms around

I loved you baby, like I love myself
You don't have me, you won't have nobody else
I loved you baby, better than I did myself
I said now if you don't have me, I didn't want you to have nobody else

You know, it's hard to love someone that don't love you
Ain't no satisfaction, don't care what in the world you do
Yeah, it's hard to love someone that don't love you
You know it don't look like satisfaction, don't care what in the world you do

Got up this mornin', just about the break of day
A-huggin' the pillow where she used to lay
Got up this mornin', just about the break of day
A-huggin' the pillow where my good gal used to lay

Got up this mornin', feelin' round for my shoes
You know, I must-a had them old walkin' blues
Got up this mornin', feelin' round for my shoes
Yeah, you know bout that, I must-a had them old walkin' blues

You know, I cried last night and all the night before
Gotta change my way a livin', so I don't have to cry no more
You know, I cried last night and all the night before
Gotta change my way a livin', you see, so I don't have to cry no more

Ah, hush, thought I heard her call my name
If it wasn't so loud and so nice and plain
Ah, yeah
Mmmmmm

Well, listen, whatever you do
This is one thing, honey, I tried to get along with you
Yes, no tellin' what you do
I done everything I could, just to try and get along with you

Well, the minutes seemed like hours, hours they seemed like days
It seemed like my good, old gal outta done stopped her low-down ways
Minutes seemed like hours, hours they seemed like days
Seems like my good, old gal outta done stopped her low-down ways

You know, love's a hard ol' fall, make you do things you don't wanna do
Love sometimes leaves you feeling sad and blue
You know, love's a hard ol' fall, make you do things you don't wanna do
Love sometimes make you feel sad and blue

Photograph

Lyrics and Music

Video Son House, Paul Butterfield Blues Band, & Mike Bloomfield - Newport Blues Fest.

Golden Slumbers...

2008-10-02T16:03:00.000-07:00

I remember your voice singing softly, whispers that touched my heart - while you watched me sleep. We knew that peace was ours as long as we stayed close...
Now I struggle each night, hoping that your song will come to me through my dreams.
I'm hoping that I will find peace once more ~

...Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullabye..

Rainy Days of Fall...

2008-09-26T13:55:00.000-07:00

Looming above
Reminiscent of a frown
Slowly forming on the brow
Of an angry God
Rain streams down
On a Universe that has questions
Always wondering why
Weeping Seraphs
Can’t find the appropriate answers
To send those on the edge
Of Faith
Thunder claps
Continuous applause
Waiting…
For the moment of an ovation or
Request for an encore…
Wrapped in blankets from the past
A cozy place to spend a day
Recalling smiles
Lovemaking…
When the world seemed so gray
We would find comfort in the drama
Safe in one another’s arms
Enjoying the show in a self created Heaven
A place that lingers on and on
While I sip my coffee sitting on the window sill
Watching the world spin by
Angel’s tears flow like a fine wine
Into crystal glasses that mesmerize
Each sip turns the world into a gradual blur
Helping…make sense of nothing…

Memento...

2008-09-20T07:25:00.000-07:00

Sounds
scents
float
swirl
twirl
dance
to-and-fro
twisting
upward spiral
dreams
memories
tied together
neatly
a gift
from above
simple reminder
what was
could have been
life's consequences
fate
stepped in
directing
the path
intersecting
the journey
intent
fate
luck
ascending to Heaven
you held onto
my heart
soul
a memento
saving my place
waiting
for
the day
when
I finally
find
my way
home
to
you...

words and photo by Trilby Yates
puppets: Jerry Mahoney & Lady Trilby

Rest...oration, love...

2008-09-12T14:04:00.000-07:00

Rise in the East, the sun shine’s across the lawn penetrating its way through,
Window pane…
Casting delicate shadows from lace curtains that twirl and dance quietly across our room,
Engaging silhouette…
While I sit patiently longing for hands from beyond this world to tenderly carry me,
Kindheartedly home…
Where we can both rest in one another’s arms once more without worry or apprehension
Timeless moments…

Thankful to have finally found the key to the lock,
Magnificently synchronized…

Restoring our faith in true love…

Photo ~ Block Island ~ Trilby and Jerry

Sleepless

2008-09-01T04:37:00.000-07:00

It’s 4AM what are you doing up?

Please don’t ask me questions...
I can’t sleep,
dreams fill my mind and echo’s are shatteringly loud
bouncing off every hiding place,
every non-ordained sanctuary I’ve created in this miserable year
don’t ask me questions about why I can’t sleep
why the dreams keep coming and going
almost teasing me with a peaceful place to rest
a peaceful place to find solace in my memories
but not yet
not now
only the pain and fear
the emotional engulfment of losing the love of my life,
yes the love of my life
all those clichés
all the poetic terms of endearment fit like that proverbial glove,
my other half...my soul-mate...my partner,
my, my, my… my twin light,
images, sounds all come back bitter sweet,
sensations and words spoken,
some not, not enough,
we absorbed one another
we took each others breath…away, away
now it’s 4 something AM and you are bothering me with questions,
silly make no sense questions that don’t have answers,
could never have satisfactory answers,
compelling promises tare at my heart strings…
sleep and tranquility
a place of serenity
to be in your arms of warm love and tender promise
just a moment more to whisper
one last time that I will love you forever and ever…
and then some love,
and then some…

photo by Scadee

(Deviantart.com)

Sunshine Of Your Love...

2008-08-20T17:33:00.000-07:00

The past few days I've been very sad...feeling alone, not lonely - there seems to be a difference - I've wondered if my husband has any idea of what life is like for me, if he knows that I don't know what I'm doing, how I question everything, I wonder what my future will be now that he is not with me, does he know that sometimes I don't want to be here without him?

A continuous stream of thoughts that usually make me feel even more sure that I'm way beyond the left side of the curve that I've spent most of my life sailing on.

The sun was shining and the sky was a crystal clear blue, the air was crisp and there was a slight breeze, perfect weather. I was driving to Westport (7:00 AM) kind of zoned out and the tears just started to fall ~ I thought maybe some music will help lift my spirits - I turned on the stereo and while reaching for my CD's, a song came on the radio, (in general most music on the radio, AM or FM, unless it's a college station, Jazz or Blues, isn't worth the energy to press the on button).

I was stunned by the song that was on...and I knew in that moment that it was my husband sending me a message. His favorite band, aside from the Beatles was Cream...and this is the song and verse that was playing...

Im with you my love,
The lights shining through on you.
Yes, Im with you my love,
Its the morning and just we two.
Ill stay with you darling now,
Ill stay with you till my seas are dried up.

Ive been waiting so long
Ive been waiting so long
Ive been waiting so long
To be where Im going
In the sunshine of your love.

(Cream - Sunshine Of Your Love)

Yes, I cried even more, even harder, but I also smiled for the first time in days :)

Paris's Birthday ~

2008-08-08T09:34:00.000-07:00

August 9, 1988 Paris Sabastian Agnew Mygatt was born. My favorite son...my only son!

Paris was perfect from head to toe. He just missed being born on 8/8/88 by a few minutes! My beautiful baby boy had a head full of golden hair and people would stop me in stores or on the sidewalk just to look at him.

Big moments: First word(s) Sit down, no no, what's that
Started to walk at 9 months!
Climbed out of his crib before his 1st birthday...eeek!
Big Boy Bed before he was two!

Possible names: August, Corey, Sebastian

A friend of my mother asked me a few days before my son was born if I would consider naming the baby, if it were a boy, Paris. It was a name that had been in their family for generations and their son, Paris, did not name his son Paris. They were very disappointed and said they would be honored if I would at least think about it.

I remember walking away thinking...umm, Paris, what a cool name, I like that...

The minute I saw his perfect little face I knew...he was Paris! His big sister, Rebecca gave him the first middle name, Sabastian, and his Dad added Agnew from his Grandmother on his Mother's side of the family.

Twenty years later, Paris is 6'3", slender with an amazing face. He is talented beyond words. His musical abilities are superb and I am so proud of him. He is truly a musician and artist, not just some kid with a guitar and a camera...yup my favorite son :)

A short film by Paris Mygatt ~ Lune ~

Hollow...

2008-08-02T17:32:00.000-07:00

You move beyond my reach and as my heart is aching so is the empty place that I held you close arms wrapped around each other with thoughts of how short our time would be and then we knew and we said it all everyday…I love you, I’ll always love you, I couldn’t have done this without you…forever love, forever and then some but it was not enough time to find a point of acceptance or complete comprehension of what it would be like with you on one side and me on the other so we looked deeply into each others eyes and understood the power as you passed from my light into your own and I still reach out in the dark of the night to feel your warmth and make a wish as I knock on wood that you will always hear my soul speak out your name and vow to love you forever and then some…