Tidal Push

February, Valentines Day 2007. We celebrated the way lovers do. We had hope and such a bright future planned. Our time felt fluid and the perfection was without mention...

Two days later it was as if someone had cut the cord; our lifeline snapped and everything changed, shifted forever. Lung cancer, stage 4... 

We now had a new plan and new future - time did not stand still; time was no longer fluid, we now had a defined time limit. 

Everyday we would drive to the hospital. The same route; same twists and turns in the road. The changing seasons; a white winter snow, new growth and the warmth of spring, hot summer sun...and the mysterious golden glow of fall. 

We would talk, if you felt up to it; keeping things light and hopeful...only a few more rounds of Chemo left, then we can look for that house on the water... back to our plans, back to our plans - wishful thinking...naive, yet hopeful. 

I would look over at you, sitting in the passengers seat of our Mini Cooper, pale and thin; the pain in my heart was deep - beyond expression. You would smile at me and take my hand to your lips and kiss my fingers; thanking me for being with you and not letting go...we had always promised we would never let go...

One fall night, our last ride on that road, same twists and turns - this time you rode in the back, I was up front in the passengers seat; sirens blaring - the tide rushed up and took you away, I wasn't ready then...I'm not ready now.

Over the years as I drove around town, I would look over to the passengers seat, I could feel your presence. I found comfort knowing you were still with me, your spirit hadn't left and selfishly, not wanting to let go, I held on. I held on and on, white knuckling it at times; fearful of the day when I would get in the car and you would be gone.

February, Valentines Day 2016. The tide came up without warning, water rushed in and took you away again - I wasn't ready then, and I'm not ready now...  but time does not stand still for anyone and our life plans did change; eight years have passed. 

The tidal push left me in the wake of loss and letting go - my choices now, like then are limited. Not life or death, but a change. Change is a necessity, moving forward is a life line to taking a deep breath in and a slow breath out.  A new Mini Cooper, a new future... and if I look over to the passenger seat, I'm hopeful that I will feel you there once more...

© 2016 TrilbyYates

In The Hands Of The Misinformed

Illuminating 
star bursts 
shattered glass 
piercing
penetration
shock 
your system 
set back
sound crackling 
bolt of lightening 
never 
- strikes twice 
never 
- strikes twice 
same place 
same time 
wind blows 
dust circles 
whipped into 
a frieze 
there's no place 
- like home
there's no place 
- like home 
lost track 
of ones 
own self 
humanity 
falls 
to the right 
he picks up 
a gun 
instead of 
using his words 
his fist flies 
into thin air 
missing 
- its mark 
missing 
- the point 
of no return 
not unlike 
a bullet 
...in the hands of the misinformed 

© 2015 TrilbyYates

The Loop Affect

Walking toward the morning sunrise

...Red sky at night a sailors delight
Red sky in morning sailors take warning...

Secluded shore covered in a blanket of
Sand and stone…
Seashells and colored sea glass
Tossed playfully to and fro
While footsteps are quietly washed away
No remnants left behind
An emotional tide of highs and lows
A continuous loop

Summer, winter, spring and fall… 

© 2015 TrilbyYates

Cherished Memento

Taking a long deep 
beautiful breath in
Slowly accepting it,
gently holding it...
A cherished memento
Until the capacity 
of my lungs - fill
Feeling the pressure,
the build up,
the freedom,
and the release 
of all that has 
held me back;
kept me in my own
self imposed sanction
Long insightful walks 
down stone streets
City lights bounce 
and reflect from
subject to object
Shimmering affect 
like a pebble to water
dropped into the Fiume Arno
Rippling outward
without limitation
Image and vision
The imagination 
has no boundaries
My sense of compassion
and love;
my sense of wanting 
to explore 
and experience
- everything
Simply walking 
the streets at night 
Taking in all 
that is generously,
unconditionally offered 
Fills my heart 
Opens me up 
to all that is possible 
All that once
appeared dark 
now has a light 
shining with brilliance
Chasing away 
insecurities, fears
-  reluctance 
A smile from a stranger
Beautiful faces 
and engaging eyes;
meet, connect and hold
gently hold the moment 
like a treasured cherished memento

© 2015 TrilbyYates