Who I Have Become

The first line is the most difficult
the most important
pen to paper expression
paramount to first impression
succession of intent
my perspective
is self inflicted 
is self infected 
self rejected and I know all to well
I'm not blaming you or me
the high or low tides at sea 
that change at different times 
or whenever
but never -  never...
depending on the moon
ebb and flow letting go
of my safety net I cannot forget - you
I have lost all sense of direction 
my perception skewed 
by misunderstandings
emotions commanding
and envelopes left un-opened 
words left un-read 
thoughts left un-said 
but you - you remain 
you are still there in my thoughts, 
my heart, my dreams - nightmares...
shadows scare hopes and clear the scope 
of what is what and who I have become
I ask the question and wait with bated breath
without bated possibilities - anticipation
without speculation of a higher powers response...
yet there is none
again I ask - who have I become...
silence echos loudly - but I am not keeping score
not now, not anymore
I battle with my internal voices, concede to my choices
and struggle with a subconscious war
I do not know who I have become
or who I am anymore...

© 2014 TrilbyYates