Death

Some people say to me 
With good intentions
Possible discomfort
- or lack of experience
It's time to move forward
Start living your life
Reminding me repeatedly
I am no longer married to you
I am no longer your wife
Hold your head up sweet darling
You don't need to cry - anymore
...that is not what he would have wanted 
That is not what his death was for...
Sadly he lost his right to want anything 
When he left this place of existence
That night he took not only his last breath 
But my path of least resistance 
Leaving behind a blue vase 
A dozen beautiful white roses 
That crashed without warning 
Tiny irreplaceable pieces onto the floor
A love note of forever and forever 
 - and then never more
There is no subtle way to share or explain
And as I have said before - there is no time limit
On grieving or the depth of the pain
The process of moving from here to there
To know the finality of death - if ever
Nothing ever feels right
Nothing ever seems fair
And once that gut wrenching poison 
Seeped deep into my heart 
And took hold - there was no time
...and truth be told
It eventually became the norm - 
It has found its safe haven
it has found its home
It wakes me in the middle of the night
Stealing away any sense of peace 
A prisoner of my own confine
A battle within - a battle I continue to fight
A sweet reverie only to be replaced
By childhood demons that move so slowly
The demons we battled and put to rest 
So many years ago
The vivid colors and visuals 
Of that moment in time
...one night seven years ago 
There is no sensible reason  
They have not faded they remain sublime
Yesterday is not just a memory 
It has become a way of life
And maybe that is all part of some empirical plan
Giving us a story we can hold onto 
- to breathe easy when there is no rhyme
To engage that perfect fit 
- the perfection in our own disguise ...
The balance between 
All the good and all the bad 
Life experiences the happy 
- and the sad
To share the joke 
That is on you/me with someone
Who will not judge
The error of our ways
Or the fear of being abandoned 
 - and always feeling safe
Without having to say a word 
A simple look deep into each others eyes
Knowing nothing 
Should be taken for granted
...a heartfelt word to the wise
Truly knowing everything will be fine
And you and I knew it all too well
We just didn't know the length - of our time line...

© 2014 TrilbyYates

Walk The Streets Of Tribeca

I walk the streets 
where you used to live, 
the city you thrived in
The city you fell in love with, 
the city that set you free;
while at the same time crippling you - 
taking away any sense of coherency
But, you, you were alright, 
you were a shining star
you were on fire, 
the pretty boy 
with the moody green eyes, 
the seductive faraway stare
You lived in the city 
that pulled you over the edge 
Submerging you into darkness,
driving you to cut deeper 
until your art bled 
into oblivion 
Your creative energy dripped 
like an intravenous 
main lining junkie;
scores strewn across the floor 
Your best work,
your brilliance blinds 
The toll -
twenty years 
of your precious life, 
twenty years 
of a collective genius 
I walk the streets 
where you used to live, 
the city you played in, 
wishing I had known you then -
The clubs that filled 
with locals 
1970-something 
vagabonds 
creative types;
the abstract overly talented 
movers and shakers -
to the point of their own absurdity,
just to catch a glimpse 
of your vibrancy -
bringing out the lacking 
in their own luster 
You were 
one of a kind, 
a rare find 
Unique in a time 
of originality 
An artist to your core,
and yet between all the lines 
praise, paranoia and deception 
the purity of your soul 
was lost on most 
and stolen from you 
before you understood 
what it meant to have a life;
only to let life have you - 
Twenty years you said, 
twenty years and it had to end
There was joy in your eyes 
as they took you away,
a sense of peace 
We didn't realize 
our last kiss 
was an unknown 
...farewell 
Finally, twenty years lost
and finally you had it all
And in that finality,
in a moment,
in an instant,
you were gone...
I walk the streets 
in the city you loved
I walk the streets of Tribeca,
imagine running into you  -
Our eyes would meet,
on some magical level
there is a glimmer of recognition
You would smile only slightly
then turn away 
I'd write my name
on a piece of paper 
and slip it into your pocket
as you brush past  -
looking back
knowing you will find it
and fall in love with me 
...someday

© 2014 TrilbyYates 

Post Valentines Day ~ 2.15.12

Sweet Sentimental Valentine

Mild winter lack of snow,
white luster dulls the senses
a chill in the air cuts to the bone
leaves of a season past linger gingerly
with no place in particular to go
a blessing shared on widow's walk
fare winds and following seas
with all the anticipation of an early spring
a sailors dream comes true,
mourning doves sorrowful coo
touches the heart gently
and the nightingale's wale
carries the weight of a new day a dawning
memories are tear drops of time
fluid thoughts of years past
and the Heavens open arms wide 
to my sweet and sentimental Valentine...

To JY, Love always and forever, TY

© 2012 Trilby Yates

Wedding Day ~ October 1, 2011

Wedding Musician ~ Paris

The Wedding Party ~ Stamford CT ~ 10.1.11

Wedding Vows (Tamara, Ari, Rebecca & Andrew)

Rebecca and Andrew ~ Wedding Vows

"I DO..."

First Kiss

Married ~ Rebecca and Andrew Matheson

Siblings ~ Ari, Rebecca and Paris

Mother and Daughters ~ Trilby, Rebecca and Ari

New Family

Bride and Groom Baby Photograph Tree

First Dance

Back of Wedding Dress!

Now and Then ~ July 1, 2011

Trilby Yates

Trilby Yates

Jerry Yates

Trilby and Jerry Yates

A lifetime ~ our lifetime.  An anniversary, dreams and memories ~
I'll always be with you...always...

Thoughts of you ~ June 28, 2011

Jerry and Trilby

TY to JY

Moon light
falls gently
on a calm sea
while images
reflect back and forth
from heaven to earth
from you to me...

Spring 2009

Another Day...

sun shifts comfortably
swinging back and forth
north, south, east to west
dreamers daydream
regardless of cause or effect
fingers snap to the heart beat
the way a lover’s hand would caress
gentle moments that never end
candle light and incense
reminiscent of a seductive dance
lips will kiss tears away…

love will come
another
day…
yes, love is never far away ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

© 2009 Trilby Yates

Poems 2009...cont.

How Do I...

How do I look into the night sky
Without seeing a shooting star
To make a wish
That isn’t completely selfish
And unreasonable to anyone of sound mind and body,
When all I can think about is how to make a deal
With a higher power to have another moment with you
To say those things I didn’t say
Or hold you closer than I should have
Without hesitation of formality…
Where do I take this emptiness
And never let time fill it with trivia and absence?
How do I go from here to there
When half of what is me has moved beyond my reach
And the enemy isn’t in the dark of night
Or hidden in the light of day
It’s surrounds me completely
Regardless of circumstance –
How do I…
Questions incomplete
And answers are less than likely
To be revealed
With out more direction
Or intent
When there isn’t much of either…


Cloak and Dagger

Turning slowly
Eyes meet
Lock in an embrace
The words in my mind
Fall from your lips
Like pearls of wisdom
Dripping in sultry shades
Of day dreams
Soft lavender
With a touch of grey
Highlighting the shadows
That dance to and fro
Gentle lullaby
“Hush baby
Please don’t cry…”
Without warning
Shooting stars fall
The soul is cloaked
In a plush velvet robe
Blanketed gently by a pure
Winter snow
Covering what has yet to be seen
Magnified by a sharp pain
Like a dagger to the heart
Carving away
Silently

Cautionary tales of woe…

© 2009 Trilby Yates

Home is where the heart is...happy birthday love ~

Two of us riding nowhere
Spending someone's hard earned pay,
You and me Sunday driving,
Not arriving on our way back home.

We're on our way home,
We're on our way home,
We're going home.

Two of us sending postcards
Writing letters on my wall.
You and me burning matches,
Lifting latches on our way back home.

We're on our way home,
We're on our way home,
We're going home.

You and I have memories
Longer than the road that stretches out ahead

Two of us wearing raincoats
Standing solo in the sun.
You and me chasing paper,
Getting nowhere on our way back home.

We're on our way home,
We're on our way home,
We're on our way home.

You and I have memories
Longer than the road that stretches out ahead]

Two of us wearing raincoats
Standing solo in the sun.
You and me chasing paper,
Getting nowhere on our way back home

We're on our way home,
We're on our way home,
We're on our way home

The Beatles

Your Love Is Forever

Sublime in the summertime, warm and lazy . . .
These are perfect days like Heaven's about here,
But unlike summer came and went -
Your love is forever,
I feel it and my heart knows
That we share it together.

Resigned to the wintertime's cold and dreary
Peering into fire flames, burning I know
That unlike winter came and went
Your love is forever
I feel it and my heart knows
That we share it together

I feel it and my heart knows you're the one
The guiding light in all your love shines on
The only lover worth it all
Your love is forever.

The Beatles - Here, There and Everywhere

To lead a better life I need my love to be here...

Here, making each day of the year
Changing my life with a wave of her hand
Nobody can deny that there's something there

There, running my hands through her hair
Both of us thinking how good it can be
Someone is speaking but she doesn't know he's there

I want her everywhere and if she's beside me
I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her everywhere
Knowing that love is to share

Each one believing that love never dies
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there

I want her everywhere and if she's beside me
I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her everywhere
Knowing that love is to share

Each one believing that love never dies
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there

To be there and everywhere
Here, there and everywhere

Blue Moon On The Rise...

I got a letter this mornin, how do you reckon it read?
It said, "Hurry, hurry, yeah, your love is dead"
I got a letter this mornin, I say how do you reckon it read?
You know, it said, "Hurry, hurry, how come the gal you love is dead?"

So, I grabbed up my suitcase, and took off down the road
When I got there she was layin on a coolin' board
I grabbed up my suitcase, and I said and I took off down the road
I said, but when I got there she was already layin on a coolin' board

Well, I walked up right close, looked down in her face
Said, the good ol' gal got to lay here 'til the Judgment Day
I walked up right close, and I said I looked down in her face
I said the good ol' gal, she got to lay here 'til the Judgment Day

Looked like there was 10,000 people standin' round the buryin' ground
I didn't know I loved her 'til they laid her down
Looked like 10,000 were standin' round the buryin' ground
You know I didn't know I loved her 'til they damn laid her down

Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul
I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold
I said, Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul
You know I wouldn't mistreat nobody, baby, not for my weight in gold

Well, I folded up my arms and I slowly walked away
I said, "Farewell honey, I'll see you on Judgment Day"
Ah, yeah, oh, yes, I slowly walked away
I said, "Farewell, farewell, I'll see you on the Judgment Day"

You know I went in my room, I bowed down to pray
The blues came along and drove my spirit away
I went in my room, I said I bowed down to pray
I said the blues came along and drove my spirit away

You know I didn't feel so bad, 'til the good ol' sun went down
I didn't have a soul to throw my arms around
I didn't feel so bad, 'til the good ol' sun went down
You know, I didn't have nobody to throw my arms around

I loved you baby, like I love myself
You don't have me, you won't have nobody else
I loved you baby, better than I did myself
I said now if you don't have me, I didn't want you to have nobody else

You know, it's hard to love someone that don't love you
Ain't no satisfaction, don't care what in the world you do
Yeah, it's hard to love someone that don't love you
You know it don't look like satisfaction, don't care what in the world you do

Got up this mornin', just about the break of day
A-huggin' the pillow where she used to lay
Got up this mornin', just about the break of day
A-huggin' the pillow where my good gal used to lay

Got up this mornin', feelin' round for my shoes
You know, I must-a had them old walkin' blues
Got up this mornin', feelin' round for my shoes
Yeah, you know bout that, I must-a had them old walkin' blues

You know, I cried last night and all the night before
Gotta change my way a livin', so I don't have to cry no more
You know, I cried last night and all the night before
Gotta change my way a livin', you see, so I don't have to cry no more

Ah, hush, thought I heard her call my name
If it wasn't so loud and so nice and plain
Ah, yeah
Mmmmmm

Well, listen, whatever you do
This is one thing, honey, I tried to get along with you
Yes, no tellin' what you do
I done everything I could, just to try and get along with you

Well, the minutes seemed like hours, hours they seemed like days
It seemed like my good, old gal outta done stopped her low-down ways
Minutes seemed like hours, hours they seemed like days
Seems like my good, old gal outta done stopped her low-down ways

You know, love's a hard ol' fall, make you do things you don't wanna do
Love sometimes leaves you feeling sad and blue
You know, love's a hard ol' fall, make you do things you don't wanna do
Love sometimes make you feel sad and blue









Photograph

© 2008 Pamela Yates

Lyrics and Music

© 1930 Son House

Video Son House, Paul Butterfield Blues Band, & Mike Bloomfield - Newport Blues Fest.

Rainy Days of Fall...

Looming above
Reminiscent of a frown
Slowly forming on the brow
Of an angry God
Rain streams down
On a Universe that has questions
Always wondering why
Weeping Seraphs
Can’t find the appropriate answers
To send those on the edge
Of Faith
Thunder claps
Continuous applause
Waiting…
For the moment of an ovation or
Request for an encore…
Wrapped in blankets from the past
A cozy place to spend a day
Recalling smiles
Lovemaking…
When the world seemed so gray
We would find comfort in the drama
Safe in one another’s arms
Enjoying the show in a self created Heaven
A place that lingers on and on
While I sip my coffee sitting on the window sill
Watching the world spin by
Angel’s tears flow like a fine wine
Into crystal glasses that mesmerize
Each sip turns the world into a gradual blur
Helping…make sense of nothing…

© 2008 Pamela Yates

Slow flow...thoughts and photo's...

Bended Knee

Walking a path that is unfamiliar
Kicking stones at the crossroad and the
Crucifix faces places unknown with
Hands outstretched pointing the way
And while it never touches me
Each step wanders further from
That sanctuary for poets and martyrs known
And the questions of evolution and faith collide
With smoke of incense lace pattern’s rise
Over an alter of Saints and Sinners
That we trust naively with each step
Taking our chances with Hope as our Guardian Angel
Rosary beads fall gradually to the ground
Slipping from the grasp of a zealot's hands
Yet I continually take the time
To reflect on bended knees
With little to no anticipation
That my prayers will ever be heard …

********

First Yawn

First yawn of summer
A slight breeze
The air is warm and cloaked
In an early morning walk
I hear the surround sound
Of a bird’s song
As insects dance above
Blades of silky green
Threads spider webs
Weave across the lawn
While flowers tire of being in full bloom
After spring’s burst of joie de vivre
To the slow exit
Of another season
That comes around
Full circle over and over again...


Photo's - Rebecca @ work, Paris home for summer, Me sunset sailing, Ari in Paris, France, Me and Jerry NY apartment.

Poems - Pamela "Trilby" Yates

© 2008 Pamela Viscomi Yates

Summer breeze...

Whispers...

You press your fingers to my lips
whispering not to fret
while you find your way
in another world
that has no place
for lovers or the touch of your hand to mine
even as I slip into a shallow dream
there are no images that embrace me
the way that you do
when fear takes hold
dragging me to the ground
I reach for you
only to find a void
hollowness that rattles me to my core
again and again
I am thrown into the certainty
that my nightmares
are no longer restricted to reverie
they have become my day to day truth…


Photographs ~ Jerry and Trilby Yates

© 2008 Pamela Viscomi Yates

My Family

© 2008 Pamela Viscomi Yates

Rebecca
Paris
Ari
Trilby and Jerry

There is no magic in "six" months...

You are love
the source
of sounds that echo
late at night
when all is calm
still…
off in the distance
hearing your laughter
I look deep into the darkness
I see your eyes
smile…
reaching out
touching my heart
in a way
that only you could…
as time passes
from one day into the next
I will kiss the wind
send it off to you…
in a place that is
everlasting~

Long Way

I walk this path
without a purpose
it seems there isn’t any need for a map
following your lead
or the direction of something that is greater
than the both of us
a particular sort of life force
or creator with pull
or push every so often
when my feet are firmly planted in denial
frozen during a moment in time
not wanting to travel forward
fear cannot face any transformation
conceding that you are no more
all the promises made
the vows spoken delicately
whispered in the night
prayers said in silence
to the omnipotent
Rosary Beads lose their luster
and passion for results seem deficient
when the place to my left
is vacant and somber
suddenly my eternal home
appears much further than I thought…

Eternal Light

The season’s change and life goes on
without a second thought
or
cautionary pause
the heart doesn’t skip a beat
as a child is born
we hear the first cry,
we see the first breathe
fill the lungs
and
all hope begins
taking that first step
towards an eternal
light…
in another room
down a long dark corridor
without a second thought
or
cautionary pause
the heart skips a beat
as a life passes on
we see the last breathe
as it empties the lungs
and
all hope fades
as the ending
begins
taking the last step
towards
an eternal
light ~

Optimism Denied

Wedding day optimism
shining on both of us
as we walked hand in hand
to our future,
one step at a time and
not always looking
ahead prudently
playing games and
making love
photographs and posing
the way you knew
I would like to remember
your eyes
unpredictable green and
you’d flash a smile
with that wise guy expression and
I’d fall in love with you
all over again
regardless of those moments
that the sky felt like it was falling in on us
we always held onto the vow
of a lifetime together
not aware
that the time frame
would be limited and
when the ambulance came
with flashing lights and
siren blaring
we still didn’t see the end coming –
last glance and
few words spoken
I saw your life fade
before my very eyes and
I knew
but couldn’t grasp the reality
that you were truly
gone ~

It's six months today that my husband passed away...and so many people have said that there is a turning point in the "sixth" month. Maybe I'm different, but there has been no shift for me...one day, one week...six months - it's all the same...

© 2008 Pamela Viscomi Yates