My Lovers Gone

There is a story, 
it is my own 
It fills all the spaces and lines 
that lead in and around 
the deepest and most shallow 
- like a wading pool, or sandbar - water up to my knees 
floating sensation into the abyss of joyfulness 
- all part of my mind 
Energy free form soaring, bounding rhetoric 
leaving an indiscriminate mark of solace 
etched in a monogram of initials 
- for all of those I have loved 
Freeing words trickle out ever so slowly,
with no sense of urgency
but, as a delicate pearl of wisdom 
flowing freedom with the knowing 
of an ocean bed, comfort in its path 
More than okay with its journey - and its destination 
Carving a path that will change with each season,
with each tide pulled by the moon light, beckoning
like my lovers gone and I will continue on and on...

- floating sensation into the abyss of joyfulness...
like my lovers gone, and I will continue on and on

© 2015 TrilbyYates

Any Storm

Morning coffee steam rises 
I sleep alone… 
- another friday night 
Dream scape 
background track sea breeze  

My mind is like a wave 

Ocean tide draws back 
Captured vast seamless horizon 
helps calm unsettled nerves 
and swaying motion at bay 

Wrapped in a fog blanket 
There's warmth in the next line 
…words don't always fall 
so neatly into place 
There is never a plan for rhythm 
There is never a plan for rhyme 

Let the path lead where it may 
and the wind will surely fill my sails 
- and I will take on any storm… 

© 2015 TrilbyYates

Shifting Blame Shifting Time

Shifting time, shifting blame
an overly exposed place to be
Like an old black and white film
silence in the dramatic - pronunciation
classification weakened domination
of thought and word daydreams soothing 
It is a beautifully worn white albatross
hanging with ease from your neck - you never take it off
...moved quietly with your tender touch
to the deepest part of my lost heart
Take the time to search it out
and walk gingerly through my shadow
Walk carefree and with ease
the vision is deep - the vision is wide
Please be careful not to disrupt my solitude
shifting blame, shifting time
It has been years to my amazement
I sometimes count them in my sleep 
the way I hear the second hand moving
similar calming of counting sheep
Wishing I could somehow forget
forget the sound of your heavenly name
Wishing if only time could stand still
and everything that stood still - would remain the same
When you are alone in those private moments
a soft wind will blow tousling your hair about
A spray from the ocean will come across the bow
and your thoughts will be taken from here to there
And when the day begins to fade 
turning into that peaceful space of gray
The sun slipping off to the west 
and the moon begins to rise
I'll stand on my side of the Sound
and play back every word you ever said
Every word etched in memorial stone 
skipping lost seashells across the bay
and continue to wonder shifting time shifting blame
- what the fuck happened to you anyway... 

© 2015 TrilbyYates

I Think Of You Often

Salty air morning dew 
lay softly on my skin 
a beautiful wind blows 
off the eastern side 
of a blue moon
and a wave 
from far away 
delights and dashes hope
while stirring memories 
from an off-kilter moment 
when time stood still 
and what we shared
remains illusive 

I think of you often

Stolen kisses fingers entwined 
eyes wide with the sweetness 
of a forbidden love
and as we moved through 
time and space 
writing love poems 
and stringing words together 
hidden under the guise 
of creativity 
and dreams of forever
ours were secrets never told 
secrets to cherish and behold

I think of you often

© 2015 TrilbyYates

Dance Away My Fears

The past seeps into some kind 
of abstract perspective 
My own different from yours - I am sure 
My spin, my angle from where I sleep
never falls short of illusive 
Yours, off in the distant fog - sails full
wind blows coast to coast, 
shore to shore drop off
You catch sea foam in you hands 
and playfully toss it into the air 
I wonder if you will 
remain so beautiful - in the afterlife
Tear stained face, eyes covered in shades  
- to keep out the light
Death comes in with a brute force; 
an awakening of sorts - I suppose
It's the alarm clock of life, 
ticking by waking us up to another day; 
while visuals flash between 
the mind and daydreams 
of a past that needs to be 
- reckoned with
And all we have is where we stand 
right here and in the now
Feet planted firmly in the sand 
forever changing 
foot prints slip away
beyond the reef 
and into the deep blue sea
The past has a hold of my heart 
and I can't seem to set it free 
Yesterday is incomplete...so sublime
and if I could do one more thing
If I could go back in time
...step out and rewind 
It would be to linger 
with you standing in the waves 
I would tell you 
all the things you 
ever wanted to know
Say all the things 
you needed me to say
…if I had just one more day 
What if I held out my hand 
and you never let go 
Would the Angels come 
between us and tare us apart
So I will try not to cry 
for you sweet darlin 
I'll try not to shed another tear 
and I promise to walk along the shoreline 
and dance away all my fears 
...dance away my fears 


© 2015 TrilbyYates

Distant Drummer

Tiny pearls of wisdom
worn like a thorny crown
fall delicately
and lay in contrast
against tanned skin
of a woman's breast;
who once held
a passion for love
in the palm of her hand
As a sea breeze 
dances around her,
her precious soul floats
along the widows walk
without intent
Subtleties of a moment
captured like 
a ship in a bottle;
slight slip of sand
beneath her bare feet
Yet, she can still hear
the music in the wind
as it carries her heart
to that distant drummer
and hope is always there,
always on the up beat… 

© 2015 TrilbyYates 

Power Of Love

A bit of nostalgia
floats through the air
a chill from the west side of Long Island
it blows across the Sound
in a whisper
a tiny voice
fingers to lips, hush
steel guitar serenading
is like a gentle touch
to a tattered heart
a mellow reminder
that fairy tales never fade
and time makes room
for the next chapter
of a very long story
sand and shells
music and memories
your kiss - a soothing testament
to the powers of love… 

© 2015 TrilbyYates 

Jazz Man's Song

Notice the tide rolling
with the punches
not the way I do
battling life’s challenges
sea foam tossed in the air
strong Atlantic breeze
blows the tender sound
of the Jazz Man
always reminding me of home
looking out beyond the horizon
the sea never comes to an end
unlike the sweet songs
that are carried by the wind
from strumming fingers
on strings of gold
stirring up seashells
while conjuring images
bare feet running on the sand
you unknowingly remind me
with a riff now and then
that off in the distance
as the notes rise above
the tide will come and the tide will go
sometimes high and not always low

...play me another song my sweet Jazz Man

© 2015 TrilbyYates

Beyond The Fog

Early morning light peers through tiny cracks like a private eye - subtle surveillance
Between nightmares and day-dreams there is a harsh sense that shoots across the sky
As reality focuses on the blurred vision of weary eyes and the only time line has spanned the universe
A love that lives in another sphere…what is there after you?
The question lay still and the answers are silent…

For certain, one day follows the next,
      the sun will rise and the sun will set…
      the tide is high and the tide is low…
      the night comes  and the morning goes…

I wake up knowing that there is something more and yet there is no clarity beyond the fog of my own imagination… 

© 2015 TrilbyYates

Let It Go

Saw myself 
running 
in my dreams 
Heard the crash 
of the rising tide 
Like a child's lullaby 
I let its soothing sound 
rush up 
and rush over me
And in the loneliest 
moments
I knew  
there really wasn't 
much left to do 
...but let it go, 
let it go 
Looking up 
into the deepest 
blue sky 
never found a reason
or wondered why
But in the loneliest 
moments
time stood still
and I was mesmerized 
by the deepest blue 
in the clarity 
of your eyes 
- And there we were
just you and me 
standing hand in hand 
rising tide rushing up 
and rushing over 
you and me 
Hand in hand rising tide 
and I knew 
there really wasn't 
much left to do 
but let it go, let it go
...I let it go

© 2015 TrilbyYates

Death Of A Female Poet

Slipping away
Into a sweet space
Reverie peace maker
Holds my hand
Feather bed comfort
Safe haven soothsayer 
Fluffy white pillows
Lavender and lace
Lulling me into
A deep sleep
Dreams in sepia
Hints of color
- and a spray
Of black and white
Vintage montage
In the powerful Atlantic air
I am standing high above
Second floor balcony
Overlooking the Saugatuck River
Noon sun burning in the sky
Letting it all in with eyes shut
A better way to see
All the magical images
Encompassing me
- and off in the distance
Someone is picking up
A loaded gun, taking aim
- and shooting at me
1st shot center 3rd eye
2nd shot left of the heart
Pulsating blood beat
Words entwined
No rhythm no rhyme
Words suspended
There is no sense of time
- and as the light
Begins to shift and fade
I feel everything
A rush of sweetness
- and surrender
A loss of fear
A loss of rage
- and as the high tide
Murky Saugatuck waters
Begin to flow over me
Pushing beyond
The eternal waves
Floating into a deep grey sea
The Long Island Sound
Is singing my name
- and welcoming me...Woman Of The Page

© 2014 TrilbyYates 

Deviant Past

The days 
Shorter now
Nights longer...
Appearing darker 
Than the norm
Without the slightest 
Hint of an artists color
Creative minds 
Freeze dry
Skyline falls flat
Just a hint of sepia
But only around 
The rough edges
And I have a hole 
In my one size fits all 
Italian handmade 
100% cotton shirt
Revealing more 
Than my self exposed
Deviant Past
And there is
A loose thread
From talking to much
And most likely 
...way to fast 
And a button 
Fell off of my 
Personal favorite
Pinstriped mannish 
Looking vest 
Rolling out 
With the grandeur
Of the infamous 
Velveteen carpet
Into oncoming traffic
Just when the light 
Was turning from 
A  cautionary  
Sunshine yellow 
To a blood curdling
Crimson red 
What could I do 
What could be said 
I've been stopped
In my forever hesitant
Walking backwards
And always covered 
Self absorbed tracks
Can't seem to find 
The perfect reflection
Or the perfect match
While always burning
A scented candle
At both ends 
And from where 
I am standing 
At the end of this 
Oh so lovely pier
Waves rolling in 
A repetitive taunt 
Hypnotic intention 
I maintain a blank 
Yet stoic stare
While the Man In The Moon 
Knows all too well
It is the end 
Of just another day
Glancing up at his 
Historical expression 
All I want to do 
Is slap that grin 
Off his distant
Untouchable face...
Putting an end
To the haunting progression
This invisible place
Instead I lose 
My footing once more
Sweetly blanketed
Cellophane Pseudo Sea
The familiar Sound 
My only safe haven 
So I will conclude 
And soulfully concede
Taking a deep breath 
While I quietly weep
I have but one choice 
That is to reluctantly give in
...and take it to the deep ~

© 2014 TrilbyYates

Hit The Pavement

I'm jumping off a proverbial 
Jagged earthbound ledge 
A sorrowful morning 
Attempting to let it go
A stones throw from everything tangible
Didn't take the time to think it through
And maybe I never intended to
All I can imagine
All I can visualize
Black and white dramatic effect
I'm looking out eyes opened wide 
Looking out beyond the beauty 
Of a turbulent and tragic sea 
My arms out stretched 
With the wing span of an Angel 
In a free fall flight
Earth below and heaven above 
If I can only fly high enough 
Maybe you would finally realize
There is truly some thing angelic 
And something magical about me 

Somehow you've gotten under my skin 
but you still won't let me in 
and I'm going for it anyway 
before I hit the pavement

It doesn't make any sense 
But than again maybe it shouldn't
Because matters for this 
Tentative heart of mine
There seems to be no logic 
No rhythm and no rhyme 
And it's all good even though
I am feeling off center 
And slightly misunderstood
Maybe I'm even running low on time
But I'm stuck in a stale mate
Self imposed and not very wise
Oblivious to consequence or folk lore
Déjà vu sentiment...knowing I have been here before
Such familiarity I can see in your eyes
But there is a dialogue 
Playing out in my head
With all the bells and whistles

Somehow you've gotten under my skin 
but you still won't let me in 
and I'm going for it anyway 
before I hit the pavement
I'm going for it anyway
before I hit the pavement... 

© 2014 TrilbyYates

Temptation

Yes, I let you hold my hand
and I held yours...
- acknowledging a perfect fit
Yes, I let you look into my eyes
I curiously looked into yours...
- I didn't blink or turn away
letting you past the walls of protection
Yes, I let you pull me close to you;
wrap your arms around me 
and kiss me passionately
Yes, I reciprocated without hesitation
Yes, a warm wind blew 
time stood still
- and yes my heart raced 
Yes, I was intrigued, flattered 
and slightly bewildered 
Yes, all your words rang true
- and yes I am attracted to you 
Yes, I have thought about you since 
Yes, I have dreamed about you
the moment you leaned in 
and took my breath away
...welcoming you with delight
Yes, I have wondered 
what it would have been like...
if we had spent the night together
...if only, if only
Yes, I smile at the thought 
of our stolen moment
Yes, it seemed you found 
what I thought I had lost
- and genuinely returned it
Yes, we connected
Yes, I have no regrets

You might ask me why - my simple reply
"I let you into my head but not my heart darlin..."
And yes I would do it again...

© 2014 TrilbyYates

It's Alright

Sometimes...
it feels like
I live in 
a parallel universe 
Perception
bent and twisted
perception skewed 
But it's alright
not sure what else to say...
When I turned around 
you were holding
your hands up
waving a white flag
total surrender
looking at me 
with a blank expression
and I had to look away 
But it's alright
not sure what else to say...
A cool north wind blew
when I needed some 
fresh air to breathe
there is no return
there is no reprieve
Like a warm gun
pointed at my head
I'm star gazing
covered by an open sea 
wrapped around me 
like a wave
I'm looking directly
into the sun 
and I'm drifting away
drifting far far away
But it's alright
not sure what else to say...
When I turned around 
you were holding
your hands up
waving a white flag
total surrender
looking at me 
with a blank expression
and I had to look away 
But it's alright
not sure what else to say...
it's alright babe
not sure what else to say
there is no tomorrow
letting go of yesterday... 

© 2014 TrilbyYates    

Dazzling My Senses

All the human elements 
lined up with perfection
- the tangible and the abstract...
The underlying passions and dreams;
the insecurities and vulnerabilities - risk factors 
We all have our fantasies
tucked away quietly at times,
joyful exhilaration at others - how risqué
- slightest blush at the thought
I tumbled willfully without intention
into a gentle comforting place
as if magically conjured up 
by some unknown source;
Moirai song of fate 
pleasantly lulling away 
any sense of fear - or logic
Surprised how perfectly 
your hand fit into mine;
sand and sea - intoxicating...
A sense of knowing reassured
an unwillingness to turn away
Admitting that sometimes
I fall down the rabbit hole - with eyes wide
Alice In Wonderland's flawed belief
questioning all that is good 
and all that is grand,
all that is outstanding 
and unique - simply sublime
Smiling at the familiarity 
acknowledged by the look in your eyes
My life has become a free fall 
 - with no expectations
Allowing me to keep clear 
of becoming judgmentally minded
So while thunder storms 
and high humidity swirled around us 
dazzling my senses...
 - you leaned in and kissed me once more ~

© 2014 TrilbyYates 

Inconsequential Meeting

Had a dream about you last night;
seems since we had our inconsequential meeting - 
inconsequential feels so removed 
and so cold 
and my head hurts when I think
and I'm starting to feel too old 
to be a player in the dating game 
... anyway

Confirmation washes over me
like the cold waters of a great sea
confirmation washes over me

When I saw you my childhood sense 
of insecurity was shaken;
sort of rattled my proverbial ego sustained cage,
and now I'm reading the same lines
over and over again
still on the same damn page - 
- expecting a different ending

Confirmation washes over me
like the cold waters of a great sea
confirmation washes over me 

I never know what to think
when thinking is all I have time to do
I never know what to think
when the heart beats one way 
and the other is slightly out of sync 
...just never know how to feel
since my inconsequential meeting with you
And now I don't know what to think
... anyway

I had a dream about you ...


© 2014 TrilbyYates 

Heaven, Hell or Brooklyn

Walking beyond the dunes
sea grass slips
between my fingers
The roar of the ocean
calms my nerves
and I remember
how you felt
beneath the waves
The Siren's song whistles
in the night carried
by an ocean breeze;
and every night your memory
brings me to my knees
And I wonder...
Heaven, Hell or Brooklyn - where is love

Gates of Heaven open wide
but I'm lost in Hell's grip
held tight in Hell's grip -
I'm the prom queen that was never crowned
I'm the missing chapter in my own lyrical book
Dylan-esque quality but he choked on my words
how brilliantly absent minded
how brilliantly absurd

Last night I walked into a bar,
not sure if my wounds were covered,
not sure if I'd gone to far
but your blue eyes lit the way
making it easy not to stumble
making it easy to imagine
with a kiss so deep, 
vows never to be broken
and I'm at a loss for words 
and don't know what to say
So now I wonder...
Heaven, Hell or Brooklyn - when is love going to stay

You have that last nail in the coffin look
Not a criminal or a crook
But you stole my heart from me
Pages folded over in the last chapter of my lyrical book
Heaven, Hell or Brooklyn - when is love going to set me free

Maintaining faith hasn't always been kind,
but never mind, 
I fell asleep during the best part
While your eyes look deep into mine
God only knows it's a fresh start
And now I'm wondering
wondering out loud
wondering about Heaven Hell or Brooklyn

Where is the love that's supposed to carry me through
Where is the love that I've been hanging on to
Faith isn't just for the weary,
Faith isn't just for the forgotten
Maybe I shouldn't have spoken so boldly,
maybe I should have kept my mouth shut
but fuck, what have I got to lose 

I'm the prom queen that was never crowned
I'm a missing chapter in my own lyrical book
Dylan-esque quality, but he choked on my words
how brilliantly absent minded
how brilliantly absurd...

Heaven Hell or Brooklyn - where is love now

© 2014 TrilbyYates 

Dear Bartender

Pen to paper can be intimidating - old school writing feels awkward when it has been years since the last time I actually put...pen to paper. But on this trip no laptop, no word processing devices - didn't think to bring anything along to write with...front desk, sweet faced young man - red curly hair and blue eyes accommodates all requests made by the patrons staying at the 1661 Inn; even if that means some improvising. Carefully he tares out several sheets of paper from his note book and hands me a pen apologetically - as if he thinks it isn't good enough - there is just enough of a pause and hesitation in his gesture, a dead give away; but it is perfect for what I need. My head is filling up and overflowing with words and it's time to write or I will forget - which is never a good option for me - I don't seem to do well with regret...all those pearls of wisdom, jewels of thought so perfectly strung together, lost...gone forever! Tragic I think, as I step outside into the old world of Block Island. 

It is an oceanic-transformation that I can feel in the pit of my stomach - brave soul they say, going away all by your self... 

Out and about on the island, hands of the grandfather clock tick tock - 6:00PM; I walk down Spring Street to the Hotel Manisses for a drink - standing behind the bar is a July summer sun tanned handsome man talking to all the guests as if he has known them for years. Bartender lingo pro is quick, witty and charming; he chats comfortably - earning every dollar that is being rung up quicker then a blink in a turn of the century ornate quasi cash register. He looks at me, smiles and asks - what's your pleasure beautiful lady? Clearing my throat - a vodka tonic with a twist of lime please. The bartender asks...any particular Vodka? My reply clumsy, but attempting to act as if in the know...Tito's please, if you have it? He smiles and winks; continues to chat up the other customers - they are affectionately letting him know how thrilled they are that he decided to return to the Manisses for another season -  a multitasking Svengali!

My plan for the evening is to have a drink outside on the patio where I wont appear so obviously solo on the most romantic island in New England - but, if I have learned anything in this life, plans can change as quickly as the wind...

The bartender places a coaster and my Tito and tonic with a fresh slice of lime on the bar...he asks if I would hang around for a while - the drink is on him. Again the smile - slightly blushing I agree and thank him. He waits and watches as I take a sip...looking up from my glass into his eyes - a striking sea blue color - I can see a glimmer of approval and I smile back at him - with the straw still between my lips. And I wonder, does one, drink a "Tito" and tonic with a fresh slice of lime through a straw or sip from the glass...

By the second drink we are talking with more openness, as if we have also known each other for years; about inconsequential things, silly light things - music, songs - good music and bad music - is there any future in music, film. The Yankees and the Red Socks - World Cup, America's Cup - and how to steam the best lobster in the entire world. The conversation shifts back and forth, from day to day interests cautiously to personal - what do you do, what are your dreams, married, kids, in a relationship, out of one - how long. 

Some people enter the bar dressed for dinner or more casual, just stop by for a quick drink after a long day on the beach or out sailing around the island. The walls begin to drift away and vanish. Comfort and ease replace my sense of being alone on my visit and sitting in a bar full of couples and - yes, flirting with, not just a bartender, but "the" most beloved  bartender on Block island.

The conversation flows like a fine wine - how cliche, but sometimes the best or worst cliches work for a reason...they fit like a fine pair of haute couture gloves. 

We chat and laugh. He asks what my plans are for the night - I'm going to finish my drink and walk back to the inn and write. He leans in and asks if I will wait for him to finish up and maybe we can walk together. Maybe he can buy me another drink at a local slow dancing dimly lit beach bar in the Old Harbor. And maybe afterward he can talk me into going back to his place. 

Feeling verbally uninhibited now - you just want me to sleep with you! I jokingly gasp. He laughs and with a slight nod he says -  you got me darlin, confirmation of ulterior motives, I confess. Is that really what you think? An intense serious look crosses his face, strangely I'm drawn to him because of it. There is an air of honesty and sincerity in his expression and eyes.

Not sure what to think. Maybe I'm completely delusional in thinking anything; that this person has any interest in sleeping with me - and now I'm feeling a little silly. A little - but not completely embarrassed; a bit off guard maybe and slightly vulnerable.

He can sense my discomfort and says in his best Cary Grant - it is a perfect night for a walk darling...come on beautiful think about it. 

You my new friend can make one hell of a great "Tito" and tonic with a slice of fresh lime, but can not give me what I want or need - And, not an afterthought, but I don't just sleep with every pretty face I meet when vacationing alone in paradise...he smiles again and says, how do you know I can't give you what you want or need? What do you want? Do you know what you need? A little music, a slow dance, the sounds of the ocean...candle light...we all need that don't we?

Ah yes my dear bartender, sweet lovely bartender - handsome and most likely too young for me in the real world bartender...are you sure you want to hear this? Are you sure you are ready and can handle what I will say? I've had a few, wonderfully made I might add, drinks with you and the gift of gab has not been lost on either of us. 

Straight up honest shooter, he replies - I like that. 

Ok handsome, get ready...

I want...
...someone to take my hands hold them tenderly and kiss them, 
look into my eyes and know it is enough. 
I want...
... someone to kiss my lips and take my breath away,
look into my eyes and know it is enough. 
I want... 
...someone to say all the words that will fill both our hearts and ring true, perfect tone, not hollow or off key - 
look into my eyes and know it is enough. 
I want and need ...
...a friend, a lover that can feel, see and accept all of my history, my imperfections without judgement,
look into my eyes and know that it is enough. 
I want and need...
... a friend a lover that knows in his core being that when he looks into my eyes the love between us is unconditional and reciprocated and that it is enough.

How's that for starters?

Well, he says quietly, taking my hands and holding them in his - they feel warm and soft - not weak. He looks at me closely and brings my hands to his lips...he kisses them - he closes his eyes for a moment...and then looks at me again - he whispers, where have you been all of my life beautiful? 

I know it's a cliche but it fit like a fine pair of haute couture gloves...

© 2014 TrilbyYates      

Deep Blue Sea

Sailing beyond 
my senses 
Open space 
with no boundaries
Wind blows 
filling sails,
leaning so far
the rails 
mesh with the ocean;
there is no line
or divide...seamless
My mind 
remains clear
while demons 
from the past
disappear 
drift off 
to a distant edge 
of the horizon
vast and so far far away... 
With all my experiences,
and all that has yet to unfold,
knowledge continues 
to free my soul 
And even though 
I may have little control 
over the strength 
and limitless energy 
of the deep blue sea;
I have come to know 
how to calm 
the highs and lows - 
the tides of my heart.
A sailors hitch
that twists like a knot
in the pit 
of my stomach,
the ache in my spine
causing me to rethink...
what am I still doing here?
When all is said 
and all is done,
love remains my destination.
And I will continue 
to search,
sailing 
around the world 
port to port,
harbor to harbor;
comforted by the arms
of an endless deep blue sea... 


© 2014 TrilbyYates