Breathe Easy

It's that shading time 
of in-between 
end of daylight 
and the start of nighttime 
when shadows lose their definition 
and begin to morph 
into a quiet spaceless-ness 

When love wraps itself around 
all the worlds creatures 
with the warmth and security 
of a lovers arms 
or the way a parent would embrace 
- their child 

Dusk, a space in time 
when there is no beginning, 
middle or end 
- it is more of a fading off
a drifting away 
slow motion pause
a place that is unconditional
forever constant... 

A place I tend to breathe easy


© 2016 TrilbyYates
 



 

Depression

Shades drawn closed 
darkness blankets 
every corner of the room 
shadows become one 
flattened and obscure 
off in the distance 
are muted sounds
a whistling tea pot 
hopefully someone 
will attend to its needs 
wrapped gingerly within 
solitary seclusion and doubt 
...insecurity has become 
a knife held to my throat 
by my own hand 
widow's lasting garb 
fits like a second skin 
forming tightly around 
my waist and chest
heart beats out of necessity 
blood flows like an encore 
I hide within the day to day 
smiles and conversation 
secretly counting the seconds 
to when I might feel 
somewhat alive again 
it comes and goes 
velvet waves washing over
and a twisting churning knot 
tightens in my chest 
familiar hand reaching deep
fingers entwined
a death grip crippling
sleep comes a timely relief 
if only temporary 
ghosts and dream screams 
flutter quietly about
softly stroking my cheek
cold and damp to touch
until I rise and begin again 
praying for resolve and relief

© 2015 TrilbyYates 

My Brother

Your father is not mine
My mother is yours
We grew up in the same house
Your eyes are blue
Mine brown
We shared the same dreams
and nightmares
You carried yours
As a concealed weapon
hidden
Mine on my sleeve
A rebel flag
fully exposed
You ran with the wind at your back
chasing the demons away
I sailed with the wind in my face
as if being chased by the demons
You moved west
out of your comfort zone
I moved back east
where I felt at home
We both left the past behind
Never looking back
but never letting go
...I think of you often my brother

© 2015 TrilbyYates 

Death

Some people say to me 
With good intentions
Possible discomfort
- or lack of experience
It's time to move forward
Start living your life
Reminding me repeatedly
I am no longer married to you
I am no longer your wife
Hold your head up sweet darling
You don't need to cry - anymore
...that is not what he would have wanted 
That is not what his death was for...
Sadly he lost his right to want anything 
When he left this place of existence
That night he took not only his last breath 
But my path of least resistance 
Leaving behind a blue vase 
A dozen beautiful white roses 
That crashed without warning 
Tiny irreplaceable pieces onto the floor
A love note of forever and forever 
 - and then never more
There is no subtle way to share or explain
And as I have said before - there is no time limit
On grieving or the depth of the pain
The process of moving from here to there
To know the finality of death - if ever
Nothing ever feels right
Nothing ever seems fair
And once that gut wrenching poison 
Seeped deep into my heart 
And took hold - there was no time
...and truth be told
It eventually became the norm - 
It has found its safe haven
it has found its home
It wakes me in the middle of the night
Stealing away any sense of peace 
A prisoner of my own confine
A battle within - a battle I continue to fight
A sweet reverie only to be replaced
By childhood demons that move so slowly
The demons we battled and put to rest 
So many years ago
The vivid colors and visuals 
Of that moment in time
...one night seven years ago 
There is no sensible reason  
They have not faded they remain sublime
Yesterday is not just a memory 
It has become a way of life
And maybe that is all part of some empirical plan
Giving us a story we can hold onto 
- to breathe easy when there is no rhyme
To engage that perfect fit 
- the perfection in our own disguise ...
The balance between 
All the good and all the bad 
Life experiences the happy 
- and the sad
To share the joke 
That is on you/me with someone
Who will not judge
The error of our ways
Or the fear of being abandoned 
 - and always feeling safe
Without having to say a word 
A simple look deep into each others eyes
Knowing nothing 
Should be taken for granted
...a heartfelt word to the wise
Truly knowing everything will be fine
And you and I knew it all too well
We just didn't know the length - of our time line...

© 2014 TrilbyYates

Who I Have Become

The first line is the most difficult
the most important
pen to paper expression
paramount to first impression
succession of intent
my perspective
is self inflicted 
is self infected 
self rejected and I know all to well
I'm not blaming you or me
the high or low tides at sea 
that change at different times 
or whenever
but never -  never...
depending on the moon
ebb and flow letting go
of my safety net I cannot forget - you
I have lost all sense of direction 
my perception skewed 
by misunderstandings
emotions commanding
and envelopes left un-opened 
words left un-read 
thoughts left un-said 
but you - you remain 
you are still there in my thoughts, 
my heart, my dreams - nightmares...
shadows scare hopes and clear the scope 
of what is what and who I have become
I ask the question and wait with bated breath
without bated possibilities - anticipation
without speculation of a higher powers response...
yet there is none
again I ask - who have I become...
silence echos loudly - but I am not keeping score
not now, not anymore
I battle with my internal voices, concede to my choices
and struggle with a subconscious war
I do not know who I have become
or who I am anymore...

© 2014 TrilbyYates  

Carte Blanche

Listen to the crimson rattle! 
Death calls...
Feel the labyrinth shake!  
Earth moves...
Is it love pounding 
at the hearts door?
Or could it be 
the bubbling of skin 
so thick
that no one dare 
come close enough
nor get under it?
Embrace the roll that comes 
when notes and vibrations soar  
to hidden places sunken deep within
and we acknowledge
there is nothing more. 
Withered soul allows 
the moment to penetrate,
reverberate 
what life was meant to be...
Not an illusion 
or lack luster cover 
flip pages of magazine images. 
Feather dust creases of ageless eyes gleam.
Hiss, "...back at you baby..." carries no weight, 
no substance only darkest void.
A seductive glance 
back and forth high,
when the silver spoon 
falls methodically 
from perched thin lined lips.
And they never question why.
Commonality flies 
in the face 
of redundancy 
when our uniqueness 
separates us...by 6 degrees?
Carte blanche 
to a permanent place 
in a universe without boundaries. 

© 2014 TrilbyYates

 

Life Line Snap

I am a one liner
cliche
oblivious daydreamer
fantasy shaker
one foot in front of the other stumbling block
self proclaimed prophet to the faithless
magnificent enemy of a higher order
I am identifiable
puff of vaporized humanity
sexuality twist
gender bender
fraudulent soul seeker
status disclaimer
lacking moral compass deformity
stolen innocence imposter
race confused
bouncing reflector
Black, White, Yellow, Red
once in a life time off beat charlatan
I walk, talk and live the consequence
broken chain torn bleeding heart
surrender to none
open book closed and shamed
baffled by my own confusion
eyes wise lessons yet to learn
crimson lips sink stolen ships
white knuckling way of life
blood soaked delusional story teller
love lacking compartmentalized wanderer
truth seeking denier
all is not lost when all is not found

...life line snap

© 2013 Trilby

Sleep Doesn't Come

Bits and pieces 
golden flecks rainbow 
colors 
twirl with delight 
notes and verse 
sing from high 
above 
majestic vibrations 
rattle the senses 
dripping 
deep red blood 
stained holy water 
sprinkled over me
clear blue sky
reflection pool
ripple effect
heart to stone
visions shadow
my private thoughts
....sleep doesn't come
Drum beat 
blue moon 
dancing 
in the sand 
summer sounds 
mesh 
artistic liberty stolen
oh how the wind 
does blow 
worries hover 
hand in hand 
carefree wishes 
to and fro 
gilded cages
self proclaimed
virtuoso 
jack of all trades
master of none
who holds you 
when
...sleep doesn't come ~


© 2013 Trilby

Red Balloon

Hiding 
from the quiet 
stillness 
that comes 
from hanging low 
off the grid 
moonlight shoots 
rays of sadness 
into my veins 
slow drip 
enthusiastic recollection 
skipping stones 
across the Sound 
echos 
back at you baby 
there is no time 
quite like now 
yesterday 
is layered in a haze 
and tomorrow 
holds promises 
like a sieve 
pessimistic anti Christ 
shatters 
optimistic hopes 
for a glance 
backward into the fog 
clarity is a dream state 
that follows me 
around 
like a red balloon 
without translation ~

© 2013 Trilby

Glowing In The Wind

Looking away 
from the coast 
line drawn 
in the sand 
off in the distance 
flat beat 
of another song 
leaves me 
breathless 
hope 
is an addiction 
that bleeds 
ambivalence remains 
with choices made 
walk away 
or glide 
fly high 
or dig in 
depth of despair 
is a drag
old wounds 
don't heal 
they just gradually 
fade away 
when the time 
is right 
unstructured texture 
colors glisten
and life
is no longer
a candle
glowing in the wind... 

© 2013 Trilby

Shadows

Tongue and cheek 
slap down 
mixed match 
lovers jest 
one blink 
loser begs 
for mercy 
there wasn't 
a time 
when second thoughts 
or lack of judgement 
flying too high 
meant it wasn't 
our time 
but just as the fun 
began 
you slipped away 
off to another land 
without limitations 
leaving me behind
trapped in the now
 - oh you bastard, 
yes I cursed 
the wind your ashes 
were blowing in, 
the ocean tide 
that carried you away 
over and over
again
so many vivid dreams 
color, black and white
confusion seemed
more the norm 
than not 
but it is within 
those dream states 
when you walk with me 
whispers in the darkness 
that somehow 
keep me 
from slipping 
deeper into the shadows...


p.s. ...I question if I will thank you or slap you when we meet again at the "Pearly Gates"

© 2013 Trilby

Infant Heart

In the darkness 
candle light glows 
eyes close 
the box has no walls 
walking in circles 
pacing like a cat with intention 
and nothing fits the way it once did 
nothing is as it once was 
future holds the untold 
cradle the infant heart 
carefully ~


© 2013 Trilby

The Day After St. Paddy's Day

Flawed Tapestry

Silence wraps around me
a blanket of blushed tones
silky white to touch
tints of gray
speckled from edge to edge
never knowing
if I am coming or going
questioning - have I been here all along
and there is a sense of harshness
in the thoughts that wash over me
my faith is an absence of color
as sepia images of Mary and the baby boy
fade away - drifting with a tide of innocence
that now alludes me to the core
I have grown weary
suspect of my surroundings
laughter comes at a price
and there is a dagger to my heart
as a finger to lips - hush sweet sounds of joy
silver in the lining of flat clouds
float by - carried on a sea breeze
traces of what I once knew to be true
this I know no more
and yes mourning doves coo
reminiscent of gentler times
penetrate the cloak that once protected
now smother daydreams of you and me
stray beams of sunlight
pierce a flawed tapestry
I’ve come to call my life

© 2012 Trilby

Sunday ~ 6 March 2011

Self Portrait ~ October 2010

Womanofthepage

Oh to be
Virginia Woolf
for a moment
in time
when words flowed
creative process
encumbered by despair
precious pearls of wisdom
masked with conversation
sharing verse and wine with
the Bloomsbury Group
that freed a burdened soul
brilliant sorrow deep
a pocket full of rocks
and a long deliberate walk
off a short seductive pier
sinking deep
into the abyss
solidifying a place
in literary history
of the elite,
the avant garde
songs sung
memorializing
the mystery
intrigue
tragic romance
darkness engulfs
all rational
the frigid River Ouse
like a Knight In Shining Armor
arms wrapped around her
as liberator
salvation
read her words and weep

I am WomanOfThePage ~

© 2011 Trilby Yates