Depression

Shades drawn closed 
darkness blankets 
every corner of the room 
shadows become one 
flattened and obscure 
off in the distance 
are muted sounds
a whistling tea pot 
hopefully someone 
will attend to its needs 
wrapped gingerly within 
solitary seclusion and doubt 
...insecurity has become 
a knife held to my throat 
by my own hand 
widow's lasting garb 
fits like a second skin 
forming tightly around 
my waist and chest
heart beats out of necessity 
blood flows like an encore 
I hide within the day to day 
smiles and conversation 
secretly counting the seconds 
to when I might feel 
somewhat alive again 
it comes and goes 
velvet waves washing over
and a twisting churning knot 
tightens in my chest 
familiar hand reaching deep
fingers entwined
a death grip crippling
sleep comes a timely relief 
if only temporary 
ghosts and dream screams 
flutter quietly about
softly stroking my cheek
cold and damp to touch
until I rise and begin again 
praying for resolve and relief

© 2015 TrilbyYates 

Any Storm

Morning coffee steam rises 
I sleep alone… 
- another friday night 
Dream scape 
background track sea breeze  

My mind is like a wave 

Ocean tide draws back 
Captured vast seamless horizon 
helps calm unsettled nerves 
and swaying motion at bay 

Wrapped in a fog blanket 
There's warmth in the next line 
…words don't always fall 
so neatly into place 
There is never a plan for rhythm 
There is never a plan for rhyme 

Let the path lead where it may 
and the wind will surely fill my sails 
- and I will take on any storm… 

© 2015 TrilbyYates

Little Soldier

Restrictions and conviction 
all on the right side of God 
and what happens 
if we don't fit the mold 
if we don't fit 
what we have been told 
march on little soldier 
march on 
take the time to think 
long and hard 
slight of hand 
hidden card 
king of diamonds 
queen of hearts 
heart hearts 
bleeding hearts 
worn reluctantly 
like her crown 
slipping down 
that slope of rational 
and madness 
main vein slice 
weak in the knees 
another attempt 
another failure 
skip to the last page 
and read ahead
and when you get 
to the best part
remember to start
from the beginning again
repetitive action
a minority fraction
societal reaction
march on little soldier
march on... 

© 2015 TrilbyYates

A Theft Of The Heart

She counts 
all the men 
that have 
come and gone 
rise and fall 
tiny notches 
on her wall 
and they will 
never know 
what piece of her 
they have taken 
with them 
and it's not 
anything transparent 
or cliche 
words that rhyme 
or step away 
it's the subtleties 
in her voice 
the way she 
touched their brow 
and as they 
shuffle down the street 
straightening their tie 
and belt buckle
they will never know 
the wonder 
that she felt 
at their absence 
the after thought 
or the expression 
of sorrow 
for the lacking 
in how we have 
raised our boys 
and to her amazement 
there is no hostility 
only remorse 
for what they steal 
and never borrow 
...a theft of the heart

© 2015 TrilbyYates 

Footsteps In The Sand

When the veil is shed layer by layer 
A glimmering light from the never forgotten 
Is dulled by the glow of a not to distant future 
A shift in ones heart beat and state of mind 
Will ride out the storm that peacefully anticipates
The reoccurrence when the Widow meets the Captain 
From years ago on a tempestuous night 
In a far a way land when the past and present 
Did not collide leading two souls 
To fall from one pedestal to another 
Only to land in loving hands 
That could not be denied 
Yet forbidden in a world 
Of choice and morality 
Atonement as a Guardian Angel 
So lines do not become blurred  
Or washed out to sea 
As the tide sweeps away 
Lover’s footsteps in the sand 
Only to long for another time
To create those footsteps once again…

© 2015 TrilbyYates

I Dream Of You

I dream of you...(softly)
I dream of you...(tearfully)
dream of you...(whisper)
I dream about you...(loudly)
I dream about you...(tearfully)
I scream for you...(scream)
I SCREAM...(anger)
SCREAM to the heavens...(pissed off)
CLENCHED FISTS to the heavens...(without fear)
I SCREAM FOR YOU...(hysterically)
I SCREAM FOR ANSWERS...(pleading)
I scream without reply...(reluctantly)
I cry for you, weep uncontrollably for you...(sorrowfully)
I ache, my heart aches...(painfully)
I curse the heavens...(sparks fly)
I curse the angels, god, day, night...(fuck)
I curse the existence of this life...(fuck)
I fall to my knees and beg for you...(pleading)
I beg without ego or pride...(alone)
I beg for you...(relentlessly)
I linger...(hopefully)
I linger with one foot in the past...(mournfully)
I linger with peace in my heart in the past...(joyfully)
I hang on the edges with one foot in the present...(letting go)
I hang on the edges...one foot in the present...(surrendering)

I dream of you...love(softly)
I dream of you...love(tearfully)
dream of you...love(whisper)

I ask...for you...I reach for you...i reach



© 2013 Trilby

Twitter

Twitter – jump off – 8.21.12 to date and counting….

1 - His song is carried in the wind like a breath from a past filled with love

2 - I'm lost in a world of memories, music and thought - my words, my writing keep me sane...for the most part :)

3 - Q. Do you rhyme when you write your poetry? A. No, not something I intentionally avoid, it's just not part of my natural flow.

4 - Working on a new book...Widow's Walk...it has been suggested that it will be cathartic! My name is Trilby, I am a widow...

5 - Early Sunday morning the rain is falling wind blowing the empty space next to me woke me up...sounds of silence

6 - TV, internet, ipod, stereo, help quiet the...lack of...

7 - A new day...not much has changed...tides up, moved the room around...new view – life

8 - Scattered thoughts with one line that is steadfast, a common thread...a sense of loss shadows my days...shake free from it he whispers...

9 - Is there every a time when loss fades to fond memories? When a smile has laughter on the cusp? Soul singing, soul singing...longing words

10 - The feel of your hand in mine, a tender kiss, shared smile, eyes meet, a peaceful heart - you are here with me...I wake up confused...tears

11 - Two steps forward several steps back to a time when life was full of love you and me never enough time, now the weekends are too long...

12 - Our father who art in heaven, ourfatherwhoartinheavenourfatherwhoartinheaven...questions, pleading...no answer-silence...

13 - Oh to take that walk, look out to sunset, pink, purple harmonious - eyes meet, the perfection of a moment - then crumbs fall to the floor...

14 - Steps taken the past will follow, the heart lingers in tomorrow - stand still it will pass you by, blow kisses to the sky...

15 - September spirits gather, slight wind carries a song to you while October waits its turn to mourn - Fall, how appropriate..

16 - Bulls eye, right on target, nail on the head...you said it, I felt it...heart explodes into tiny pieces

17 - Empty spaces, between each line there is a void, a shadow dances in the night simply waiting for what will follow...

18 - Join the fight, tell my story, symbolic wrist band - bold words - FIGHT LUNG CANCER...words from an aching heart sound hollow...

19 - A tiny box, open slowly, a piece of paper folded neatly, placed inside. Unfold, words written. TY I love you and will always be with you JY

20 - Peeking from behind the shadows there is nothing but a hollow echo that bounces back and forth, back and forth...endless echo...bounce

21 - Guilt, guilt, every minute counts. Denial is a tool - keep the ticking time bomb tick-tock for another day. Oh to have those days back...

22 - From heart to head and back again...heart aches, head is the medicine that keeps the fever down and memories at bay...dream on love...

23 - Twin flame - to have experienced unconditional love and acceptance makes life cold and dark when the other flame has been blown out...

24 - Flowers in my hair, you would smile and kiss me...such an angel you would say while holding my hand as if time were slipping away...

25 - Memories are like little movies we can play over and over - black and white or in color, add music for special effect.

26 - Pray, plead, promise - beg, cry, scream and swear. Deny or accept. I'm convinced nothing can change the path we were on, NOTHING!

27 - There are a few things that help numb what has already died within...most are illegal...

28 - Laughter fades into the night as shadows turn from shades of gray to liquid silver sparking glimmers of light that seep into my heart.

29 - La dolce vita and a cup of espresso with the Pope, a ferry ride to any island, walk the beach, feel the sand the sun pouring light into love

30 - The heart weeps and opens wide the doors to self imposed Penance; just another Blues song with a touch of Lennon

31 - Cancer he says in a cold but yet humane way. A pro at dropping the bomb like a WWII 18 year old soldier in the cockpit of a B52.

32 - No looking back, visions are like memories being played over and over without a pause button for some sense of relief...

33 - Every second, every moment is etched in my mind - green eyes, promises, music, words, tears, touch, kiss, scent, love, fear, terror, loss

...to be continued...

© 2013 Trilby

I Am Lost

Deep in the night 
dreams chase 
whimsical songs
such sweet serenade 
dearest reverie 
your image 
never fades 
and I have found 
myself 
in bed 
with a stranger 
hands 
that do not fit 
words 
that cast shadows 
abstract rhetoric
does not ring true
Saint Christopher 
falling to the floor
I am lost...

Closing my eyes 
tranquility 
in the darkness
I feel you 
holding me close 
floating away 
in your memory 
safe and sound
once again... 

© 2013 Trilby

Infant Heart

In the darkness 
candle light glows 
eyes close 
the box has no walls 
walking in circles 
pacing like a cat with intention 
and nothing fits the way it once did 
nothing is as it once was 
future holds the untold 
cradle the infant heart 
carefully ~


© 2013 Trilby

The Day After St. Paddy's Day

Flawed Tapestry

Silence wraps around me
a blanket of blushed tones
silky white to touch
tints of gray
speckled from edge to edge
never knowing
if I am coming or going
questioning - have I been here all along
and there is a sense of harshness
in the thoughts that wash over me
my faith is an absence of color
as sepia images of Mary and the baby boy
fade away - drifting with a tide of innocence
that now alludes me to the core
I have grown weary
suspect of my surroundings
laughter comes at a price
and there is a dagger to my heart
as a finger to lips - hush sweet sounds of joy
silver in the lining of flat clouds
float by - carried on a sea breeze
traces of what I once knew to be true
this I know no more
and yes mourning doves coo
reminiscent of gentler times
penetrate the cloak that once protected
now smother daydreams of you and me
stray beams of sunlight
pierce a flawed tapestry
I’ve come to call my life

© 2012 Trilby

Thoughts of you ~ June 28, 2011

Jerry and Trilby

TY to JY

Moon light
falls gently
on a calm sea
while images
reflect back and forth
from heaven to earth
from you to me...

September 2010

MORE THOUGHTS...
Every second, every moment is etched in my mind - green eyes, promises, music, words, tears, touch, kiss, scent, love, fear, terror, loss, such deep everlasting loss...

No looking back, visions are like memories being played over and over without a pause button for some sense of relief...

Cancer he says in a cold but yet humane way. A pro at dropping the bomb like a WWII 18 year old soldier in the cockpit of a B52.

The heart weeps and opens wide the doors to self imposed Penance; just another Blues song with a touch of Lennon ~

La dolce vita and a cup of espresso with the Pope, a ferry ride to any island, walk the beach, feel the sand, the sun pouring light into love...

****

Laughter fades into the night as shadows turn from shades of gray to liquid silver sparking glimmers of light that seep into my heart.

****

There are some things in life we can control...anger, violence, integrity, maybe even our life's passion (although I think that's the nature vs nurture debate)...but love...umm don't think so.
Love comes from a place beyond the human part of us...maybe even a divine part or "heavenly" source.
Ever have that jolt when you meet someone? Face to face or the more modern version "cyberspace"?
And no matter what you tell yourself or how you try to deny what your heart is bleeding for it just continues to hemorrhage with an overwhelming yearning to be accepted, cherished, touched and "loved".
The images keep rolling in your mind like a movie, playing over and over, scene after tender scene.
Love, unconditionally falling from point A to Z in less than a heart beat.
Love, an emotion, a feeling, a blessing and one we have no control over.
We will fall and land on our feet or on our knees - but at the end of the day,
love will be what it is meant to be...because love is absolute.

****

There are a few things that help numb what has already died within...most are illegal...

Pray, plead, promise - beg, cry, scream and swear. Deny or accept. I'm convinced nothing can change the path we were on, NOTHING!

Memories are like little movies we can play over and over - black and white or in color, add music for special effect.

Flowers in my hair, you would smile and kiss me...such an angel you would say while holding my hand as if time were slipping away...

Twin flame - to have experienced unconditional love and acceptance makes life cold and dark when the other flame has been blown out...

From heart to head and back again...heart aches, head is the medicine that keeps the fever down and memories at bay...dream on love...

Guilt, guilt, every minute counts. Denial is a tool - keep the ticking time bomb tick-tock for another day. Oh to have those days back...

Peeking from behind the shadows there is nothing but a hollow echo that bounces back and forth, back and forth...endless echo...bounce

A tiny box, open slowly, a piece of paper folded neatly, placed inside. Unfold, words written. TY I love you and will always be with you JY

Join the fight, tell my story, symbolic wrist band - bold words - FIGHT LUNG CANCER...words from an aching heart sound hollow...

Empty spaces, between each line there is a void, a shadow dances in the night simply waiting for what will follow...

Bulls eye, right on target, nail on the head...you said it, I felt it...heart explodes into tiny pieces.

September spirits gather, slight wind carries a song to you while October waits its turn to mourn - Fall, how appropriate..

Our father who art in heaven, ourfatherwhoartinheavenourfatherwhoartinheaven...questions, pleading...no answer-silence...

Two steps forward several steps back to a time when life was full of love you and me never enough time, now the weekends are too long...

The feel of your hand in mine, a tender kiss, shared smile, eyes meet, a peaceful heart - you are here with me...I wake up confused...tears

Is there ever a time when loss fades to fond memories? When a smile has laughter on the cusp? Soul singing, soul singing...longing words

Scattered thoughts with one line that is steadfast, a common thread...a sense of loss shadows my days...shake free from it he whispers...

A new day...not much has changed...tides up, moved the room around...new view - life

TV, internet, ipod, stereo, help quiet the...lack of...

Early Sunday morning the rain is falling wind blowing the empty space next to me woke me up...sounds of silence

Working on a new book...Widow's Walk...it has been suggested that it will be cathartic! My name is Trilby, I am a widow...

Q. Do you rhyme when you write your poetry? A. No, not something I intentionally avoid, it's just not part of my natural flow.

I'm lost in a world of memories, music and thought - my words, my writing keep me sane...for the most part :)

His song is carried in the wind like a breath from a past filled with love.

Found an electronic card from my husband - it was sent a week before we found out he had lung cancer - lots of tears. Grief continues...




Steps taken the past will follow, the heart lingers in tomorrow -
Stand still it will pass you by, blow kisses to the sky...

Never Look Away

Oh the senses soar
each step creates
an experience,
upon a sunset high,
pink, purple harmonious~
eyes meet,
perfection in a moment~
a shift,
crumbs fall to the floor...
glancing back hear the music play
smile and never look away
smile and never look away

you are always with me love like the images that play dance to and fro wrapped neatly around my life, wrapped neatly around my heart...

© 2010 Trilby Yates

Photo by AKM 2010

Poems 2009...cont.

How Do I...

How do I look into the night sky
Without seeing a shooting star
To make a wish
That isn’t completely selfish
And unreasonable to anyone of sound mind and body,
When all I can think about is how to make a deal
With a higher power to have another moment with you
To say those things I didn’t say
Or hold you closer than I should have
Without hesitation of formality…
Where do I take this emptiness
And never let time fill it with trivia and absence?
How do I go from here to there
When half of what is me has moved beyond my reach
And the enemy isn’t in the dark of night
Or hidden in the light of day
It’s surrounds me completely
Regardless of circumstance –
How do I…
Questions incomplete
And answers are less than likely
To be revealed
With out more direction
Or intent
When there isn’t much of either…


Cloak and Dagger

Turning slowly
Eyes meet
Lock in an embrace
The words in my mind
Fall from your lips
Like pearls of wisdom
Dripping in sultry shades
Of day dreams
Soft lavender
With a touch of grey
Highlighting the shadows
That dance to and fro
Gentle lullaby
“Hush baby
Please don’t cry…”
Without warning
Shooting stars fall
The soul is cloaked
In a plush velvet robe
Blanketed gently by a pure
Winter snow
Covering what has yet to be seen
Magnified by a sharp pain
Like a dagger to the heart
Carving away
Silently

Cautionary tales of woe…

© 2009 Trilby Yates

Blue Moon On The Rise...

I got a letter this mornin, how do you reckon it read?
It said, "Hurry, hurry, yeah, your love is dead"
I got a letter this mornin, I say how do you reckon it read?
You know, it said, "Hurry, hurry, how come the gal you love is dead?"

So, I grabbed up my suitcase, and took off down the road
When I got there she was layin on a coolin' board
I grabbed up my suitcase, and I said and I took off down the road
I said, but when I got there she was already layin on a coolin' board

Well, I walked up right close, looked down in her face
Said, the good ol' gal got to lay here 'til the Judgment Day
I walked up right close, and I said I looked down in her face
I said the good ol' gal, she got to lay here 'til the Judgment Day

Looked like there was 10,000 people standin' round the buryin' ground
I didn't know I loved her 'til they laid her down
Looked like 10,000 were standin' round the buryin' ground
You know I didn't know I loved her 'til they damn laid her down

Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul
I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold
I said, Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul
You know I wouldn't mistreat nobody, baby, not for my weight in gold

Well, I folded up my arms and I slowly walked away
I said, "Farewell honey, I'll see you on Judgment Day"
Ah, yeah, oh, yes, I slowly walked away
I said, "Farewell, farewell, I'll see you on the Judgment Day"

You know I went in my room, I bowed down to pray
The blues came along and drove my spirit away
I went in my room, I said I bowed down to pray
I said the blues came along and drove my spirit away

You know I didn't feel so bad, 'til the good ol' sun went down
I didn't have a soul to throw my arms around
I didn't feel so bad, 'til the good ol' sun went down
You know, I didn't have nobody to throw my arms around

I loved you baby, like I love myself
You don't have me, you won't have nobody else
I loved you baby, better than I did myself
I said now if you don't have me, I didn't want you to have nobody else

You know, it's hard to love someone that don't love you
Ain't no satisfaction, don't care what in the world you do
Yeah, it's hard to love someone that don't love you
You know it don't look like satisfaction, don't care what in the world you do

Got up this mornin', just about the break of day
A-huggin' the pillow where she used to lay
Got up this mornin', just about the break of day
A-huggin' the pillow where my good gal used to lay

Got up this mornin', feelin' round for my shoes
You know, I must-a had them old walkin' blues
Got up this mornin', feelin' round for my shoes
Yeah, you know bout that, I must-a had them old walkin' blues

You know, I cried last night and all the night before
Gotta change my way a livin', so I don't have to cry no more
You know, I cried last night and all the night before
Gotta change my way a livin', you see, so I don't have to cry no more

Ah, hush, thought I heard her call my name
If it wasn't so loud and so nice and plain
Ah, yeah
Mmmmmm

Well, listen, whatever you do
This is one thing, honey, I tried to get along with you
Yes, no tellin' what you do
I done everything I could, just to try and get along with you

Well, the minutes seemed like hours, hours they seemed like days
It seemed like my good, old gal outta done stopped her low-down ways
Minutes seemed like hours, hours they seemed like days
Seems like my good, old gal outta done stopped her low-down ways

You know, love's a hard ol' fall, make you do things you don't wanna do
Love sometimes leaves you feeling sad and blue
You know, love's a hard ol' fall, make you do things you don't wanna do
Love sometimes make you feel sad and blue









Photograph

© 2008 Pamela Yates

Lyrics and Music

© 1930 Son House

Video Son House, Paul Butterfield Blues Band, & Mike Bloomfield - Newport Blues Fest.

Rainy Days of Fall...

Looming above
Reminiscent of a frown
Slowly forming on the brow
Of an angry God
Rain streams down
On a Universe that has questions
Always wondering why
Weeping Seraphs
Can’t find the appropriate answers
To send those on the edge
Of Faith
Thunder claps
Continuous applause
Waiting…
For the moment of an ovation or
Request for an encore…
Wrapped in blankets from the past
A cozy place to spend a day
Recalling smiles
Lovemaking…
When the world seemed so gray
We would find comfort in the drama
Safe in one another’s arms
Enjoying the show in a self created Heaven
A place that lingers on and on
While I sip my coffee sitting on the window sill
Watching the world spin by
Angel’s tears flow like a fine wine
Into crystal glasses that mesmerize
Each sip turns the world into a gradual blur
Helping…make sense of nothing…

© 2008 Pamela Yates

Summer breeze...

Whispers...

You press your fingers to my lips
whispering not to fret
while you find your way
in another world
that has no place
for lovers or the touch of your hand to mine
even as I slip into a shallow dream
there are no images that embrace me
the way that you do
when fear takes hold
dragging me to the ground
I reach for you
only to find a void
hollowness that rattles me to my core
again and again
I am thrown into the certainty
that my nightmares
are no longer restricted to reverie
they have become my day to day truth…


Photographs ~ Jerry and Trilby Yates

© 2008 Pamela Viscomi Yates