You are love
the source
of sounds that echo
late at night
when all is calm
still…
off in the distance
hearing your laughter
I look deep into the darkness
I see your eyes
smile…
reaching out
touching my heart
in a way
that only you could…
as time passes
from one day into the next
I will kiss the wind
send it off to you…
in a place that is
everlasting~
Long Way
I walk this path
without a purpose
it seems there isn’t any need for a map
following your lead
or the direction of something that is greater
than the both of us
a particular sort of life force
or creator with pull
or push every so often
when my feet are firmly planted in denial
frozen during a moment in time
not wanting to travel forward
fear cannot face any transformation
conceding that you are no more
all the promises made
the vows spoken delicately
whispered in the night
prayers said in silence
to the omnipotent
Rosary Beads lose their luster
and passion for results seem deficient
when the place to my left
is vacant and somber
suddenly my eternal home
appears much further than I thought…
Eternal Light
The season’s change and life goes on
without a second thought
or
cautionary pause
the heart doesn’t skip a beat
as a child is born
we hear the first cry,
we see the first breathe
fill the lungs
and
all hope begins
taking that first step
towards an eternal
light…
in another room
down a long dark corridor
without a second thought
or
cautionary pause
the heart skips a beat
as a life passes on
we see the last breathe
as it empties the lungs
and
all hope fades
as the ending
begins
taking the last step
towards
an eternal
light ~
Optimism Denied
Wedding day optimism
shining on both of us
as we walked hand in hand
to our future,
one step at a time and
not always looking
ahead prudently
playing games and
making love
photographs and posing
the way you knew
I would like to remember
your eyes
unpredictable green and
you’d flash a smile
with that wise guy expression and
I’d fall in love with you
all over again
regardless of those moments
that the sky felt like it was falling in on us
we always held onto the vow
of a lifetime together
not aware
that the time frame
would be limited and
when the ambulance came
with flashing lights and
siren blaring
we still didn’t see the end coming –
last glance and
few words spoken
I saw your life fade
before my very eyes and
I knew
but couldn’t grasp the reality
that you were truly
gone ~
It's six months today that my husband passed away...and so many people have said that there is a turning point in the "sixth" month. Maybe I'm different, but there has been no shift for me...one day, one week...six months - it's all the same...
© 2008 Pamela Viscomi Yates
2 comments:
Trilby,
If you've posted an email address somewhere on your site, I haven't found it, so I have to bring this "old" conversation forward to the comments on the most recent post. Otherwise the downloading of pages to get back to your reply to my comment and answer you there is inhibitively slow, as I'm on dialup out here in the boonies. Sorry about that.
It's quite a coincidence that our mothers both died at the same age and from kidney cancer, to boot. When Mom was diagnosed I did a lot of reading and learned that renal cell carcinoma is one of the rare cancers and that it less often strikes women than men. How about that.
I will tell you one thing that is of some comfort to me. For over 20 years I have known a woman who seems to be able to see, hear, and speak with "dead" people. About a year after Mom died, my sisters and I went to see her one morning. She told us that Mom was present and passed on information about what her death had been like for her (we girls were at her bedside but this described Mom's experience of it when she was in her coma) as well as what the first months after death had been like and what Mom was doing now; her "job" on the other side.
I don't know how you are, but me, as much as I'd like to believe in the afterlife, I remain skeptical. Even though I've known this woman a long time and I know she isn't crazy or lying, I would still prefer to see for myself what she sees, before I'll be absolutely sure. I'm always afraid that my own wishful thinking might make a fool out of me, might be responsible for softheaded thinking.
My friend, Cheryl, went on to give us more detail that convinced us all that Mom really was with us in the room.
When we were leaving, she said "I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm not sorry for your mom. She is in a place that she loves, that is so much better than where we are, and she is very happy there."
I think of that when I feel angry about what happened to Mom.
A few other things that might interest you:
The day Mom died, after sitting with her body for several hours, Scott and I left Dad alone and went home. I had not been alone for a moment yet and I needed to be, so I went out into the yard behind the house for a good cry. We had seen deer come and go around the yard (this was in Kelowna, BC) and I silently said to Mom, "If you're really around still, maybe you could make a deer show up now." Immediately *three* deer were there in front of me. Coincidence? It didn't seem so at the time, though of course I convinced myself later that it was.
There were a number of little instances like this that strongly suggest Mom is still around, that there is an afterlife and that we can still communicate. They aren't exactly the kinds of evidence I would *prefer* - I'd like to see her sitting in a chair in front of me, dammit, and talking! — but I won't regale you with them all.
I like to think you've had similar experiences after your mom died, and that you have had or will have some with Jerry. These occurrences don't take away the grief, or haven't yet, but they do add a dimension to it; hope, perhaps, that she isn't completely lost to me, that things have only changed.
Well, enough from me, I'm talking your ear off. Thanks for your kind words about my webpage; glad you like it.
Lovely kids you have!
Kate
I'm not sure how to show my email, but I know that it's under "my profile".
Right now I'm not sure what I believe - I've met with a woman that said she was a psychic channeler...ummm, just not sure.
Thank you for your messages, you have been very kind.
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